i traveled by plane this past weekend.  i’m not a fan of airtravel and haven’t been for a very long time.  i’m not afraid of heights, and i’m actually not really afraid of dying in a plane crash (my fears run more in the being eaten alive by crocodiles, bears, sharks, etc. vein).  however, i despise airports, which have only gotten worse over the years, and i am afraid of being desperately miserable and trapped with a bunch of strangers for five plus hours (depending on your destination) with no escape.  i think we can all agree that traveling coach is pretty miserable these days, it doesn’t matter if you’re thin or fat, short or tall, smart or stupid, if you’re stuck in coach you’re pretty much going to uncomfortable for the duration of your flight and subjected to passive aggressively angry flight attendants and frustrated passengers. 

so that said, what am i bitching about if it’s just a fact of life that all coach air travel sucks?  well, my current rant is about the fact that there is no generally accepted standard when flying.  forget about there being a standard between airlines, or standards between specific airline planes, or as i came to realize this past weekend, there aren’t even standards amongst general non-exit row/non-bulk head airplane seats.  i was flying Delta and was exhausted getting on my plane Thursday and did something very unusual for me (perhaps proving that i am prematurely ageing) i sat in the wrong seat.  i was in the correct row and i was in an aisle seat, but i sat on the wrong side of the plane.  i have never done such a ridiculoulsy stupid, although easily correctable thing before, but i’m glad i did it so that this weirdness was brought to my attention.  basically i was sitting in my incorrect seat and quietly groaning to myself as my long legs had maybe less than an inch between them and seat in front of me.  i would not only not be able to put a book or an ipod in the “helpful and handy pouch” without eliminating that precious inch, but once the guy in front of me decided to lay back that would also be the end of my precious inch.  as i silently lamented my sad fate, a bitchy woman and her two equally bitchy daughters informed me that i was in their seat(s).  i, feeling like a rube, realized my mistake and immediately moved across the aisle.  once seated in my new and correct seat, i was astonished to find that i had about eight inches of space between my knees and the offending seat in front of me.  what the hell?  now in this case luck was with me…but seriously, what the hell!?

sitting in my horrible seat, but with my precious inches of extra leg room, i remembered flying to Hawaii the year prior, on a different airline, and finding on the leg from New York to Chicago, that i had NEGATIVE inches of extra leg room, and was almost reduced to tears for fear of what a painful journey it was going to be to Hawaii, only to happily discover on the Chicago to Hawaii leg (same airline) that i had maybe three or four extra inches between me and the seat. 

i’m a pretty boring person i guess, but i really think it would be nice if a body could know what to expect on a flight.  that if you’re flying Delta you know you’re getting a certain kind of seat and with American you’re getting a certain kind of other seat, and even if they can’t do that it would be nice to know what you’re getting with a certain kind of airplane versus another.  is this really too much to ask?  i guess with the death of customer service it is.

one last thing…as i bitch and moan about airlines…it’s important to mention that first class just keeps getting better and better as coach gets worse and worse.  coming back to New York this past weekend my boyfriend and i were seated in the bulkhead seats, thinking wrongly, that it would be good, and as such we could see through the gauzy curtain right into first class.  while we were having bags of chips angrily thrust at us and a quarter of a can of some kind of soda begrudgingly gifted to us, first class was literally dining on steak, potatoes, steamed vegetables, and some kind of dessert, all with real silverware and while relaxing with blankets and pillows.  i guess airlines are just another little example of how the world is spinning these days.  the rich just getting ever richer and reaping all the benefits of life, while us poor just get poorer and are subjected to more and more pitiful low standards of living.

i guess i just wish i was a rebel and i had the energy and passion to work on changing the system.  instead i looked at my boyfriend and said, “we have got to be rich…soon.”