I’m a Cynical Jerk, and THIS Moved Even Me

05_Flatbed_1 - APRIL

I’m kind of a jerk.

Especially lately, I’m not that fun to be around (feel free to ask Adam for confirmation).  My humor, if present at all lately, is self deprecating, or sharp and pointy and mean.

I think this isn’t something that I “achieved” overnight.  It’s something I’ve been working on for years…and now, unemployed and working non-stop on a book that just won’t freaking let itself be finished, I sometimes feel like I’ve kind of imploded on myself.

So it was nice to see this (YOU MUST CLICK THE LINK!) today and realize I’m still human, and maybe not as cynical and jerky as I thought I was.  I don’t watch and in fact pretty much revile  American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, and Britain, Spain, Australia, Whoever has Talent…or any of their ilk, and yet I had goosebumps when this woman sang like I haven’t had in…well, I can’t remember how long…and by the end my eyes were honest to gods misty…I think a tear might have even rolled out onto a cheek.

And let’s just talk about the fact that from what she says about herself, AND the performance, she could not have picked a better song in all the world.  I’ve always loved that song, since I was a teenager, but this just gave it a whole new dimension to me.

I wish all the world will watch this, and take a step back and be less cynical…even if it’s just once a day, to allow for the possibility of more extraordinary women like Susan Boyle to be heard – because they’re out there – I know they are.


  1. Shannon’s avatar

    I read your post thinking, hey, I’m a jerk too… cynical, yup, me too. I live with a Brit, and he loves all those terrible reality shows and I’m always flinging insults at him like a monkey over it. But this video was stunning, I had goose bumps myself and I can’t wait to post it on my own blog. Thank you!

  2. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    The goose bumps killed me. I haven’t felt real legitimate goose bumps in…years I think. Which seems kind of sad. I watched the video again this afternoon and didn’t tear up, but still got the goosebumps. This woman makes me so happy.

    I went over to your blog – awesome stuff. I made a few comments…and in reading your blog…are you Heili’s friend Shannon? Why aren’t we friends? :)

  3. Shannon’s avatar

    ha that’s so funny! Here I’ve been reading your blog for months and I had no idea that I was reading YOUR blog… the girl who I’ve been hearing about for years from Heili.

    (I know your name, I just didn’t know if I should put it here…)

    The video though, seriously, I hated the comments from the panel. Despite the fact that they were moved by her performance, their responses were mean and condescending “Well, before you sang, everyone was laughing at you, but now, because you can actually sing, we all feel stupid.” Well, I think even if she couldn’t sing she still deserved respect as a human being. But then again, I forget why I am so cynical, and there you have it.

  4. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    Shannon: That is just too crazy! You can call me Kelly on here – some do, some don’t, but it’s no secret :) I kind of love that you have been reading my blog for a while now – I wish I’d known about yours – it’s definitely the kind of blog I WOULD have been reading (and now will be reading).

    It’s great to finally (sort of) meet you though.

    I didn’t love that first guy’s comment – it was pretty uneducated and horrible when you look at what he actually said, but I felt like whoever that blonde woman was, actually had a real honest to gods gut check moment, where she was like “we were being cynical, and we were wrong.”

    I obviously disagree with the whole freaking panel and that entire audience, which is largely I suppose why I don’t watch shows like that, but the good thing is that those people are in general pretty shallow types that don’t think about these kinds of things and do judge everyone based on looks alone…so I can only hope that the shock of their ignorant opinions versus the reality that Boyle showed them will at least give them pause – I’d like to say for their lives – but I doubt it will last more than a week.

    A week is better than nothing though I guess.

  5. k’s avatar

    i just finished reading the article off of hotmail and i too had tears in my eyes…i didn’t watch the video because i’m at work and don’t have sound on my computer. i always root for the underdog. what a life this women probably had. you have to look at life from all angles all the time. it’s humbling and surprising all the time.

  6. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    k: you’ve gotta watch it – as soon as you get home. It’s just shockingly moving and uplifting. I’m feeling pretty down and pissed at the world today – so I’m thinking I should watch it again :)

Comments are now closed.