2011 September DC DRUNK Cover Solicits In Three Sentences Or Less…

Here are the “rules“.

And if you’d like to see the full September 2011 DC solicits head over to CBR.

Your bi-monthly installment of DRUNK COVER SOLICITS IN THREE SENTENCES OR LESS!

Before we get started, I should probably let everyone know, since maybe not everyone who reads this post reads my other stuff, that I do have very serious, non-drunk thoughts about this re-launch and you can read some of those thoughts here, or listen to them here if you’re interested.  Now onto the drinking!

Many of you regular readers know that this was a BRUTAL comics related week for me. Lots of rage-inducing stuff.  So THAT plus COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL and well…LET’S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS!  Of course, to make these EVEN MORE FUN…this is DC’s SEPTEMBER solicits, so that means that this is RE-LAUNCH MONTH.  WOOP!  Anything can happen people, ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

All right bitches…let’s get into this shit…

ACTION COMICS 1.  God of all comics writes this. And apparently Superman wears patchy fucking jeans. Minus the weird jeans thing the image is kind of cool I guess.  It’s hard for me to care though…I haven’t read Superman in…ever I guess.  PASS.

ALL STAR WESTERN 1.  I feel like this is important if only cause it’s not a straight up superhero comic. Still takes place in Gotham though (apparently).  Would it kill us to expand our geography a bit?  Apparently.  PASS.

AMERICAN VAMPIRE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST 3.  Awesome. Great darks and lights and composition and lots of layers and interesting shit going on.  Nice limited color palette too.  Also of note is that Snyder and Murphy killed it on the first issue of this so you should probably buy it.

ANIMAL MAN 1.  This is awesome because any cover that has a giraffe on it is awesome (so says Kelly).  Bonus points for having a giraffe AND a fucking octopus.  I’m on the fence on this one because on one hand GIRAFFE, on the other Jeff Lemire is writing it and I know I’m supposed to be a fan like everyone else, but I just haven’t been that impressed.  WE’LL SEE.

AQUAMAN 1.  Hate the art. Mostly cause it’s trying really really hard to be SO INTENSE.  INTENSE MAN!  Makes me feel like it’s overcompensating.  But you know…dudes have NEVER done that before.  Also, no disrespect to Aquaman cause he’s a longtime hero dude, but I have trouble with the suspension of disbelief on Aquaman…I think I just have trouble taking the talking underwater thing seriously.  PASS

BATGIRL 1.  So I have lots of feelings about this…but I’m drinking and I’ve already talked about all of them, so I’m not going to get into it.  I’ll just say that though this is pretty I have two problems with it (beyond the whole “it shouldn’t be Barbara Gordon thing”)…1. If it’s not fucking Stephanie Brown can we please get rid of the GODDAMN PURPLE!?! ahem.  And 2. Her eyes are really motherfucking crossed here.  Looks weird.  PASS.

BATMAN & ROBIN 1. And here we start to come with some problems with re-launching a relatively new series…there’s nothing TERRIBLE about this cover (though Damian’s cape is way stupid) but there’s no way it’s better than this one from barely two years ago:

So people (like me) end up going…WTF…it’s definitely not better or more interesting than what happened two years ago?  PASS.

See how that worked?  LAME.

BATMAN 1.  I’ll definitely be trying this out thanks to Scott Snyder writing it…dude is a badass.  But I’m not excited like I want to be.  Detective comics (with Snyder and Jock and Snyder and Francavilla has been AMAZING…why fix it if the shit ain’t broke?!).  Unrealistic as it is, I kinda dig Bats cape here…kinda cool.  Kinda the opposite of Damian’s stupid cape on Batman & Robin.  BUY (let’s count them as we go!)

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT 1.  So if above you were all “Kelly, they already had plans to make all these changes, thus they couldn’t leave Detective (etc) alone, cause it was already decided blah blah blah”…I say “BALLS TO YOU!” They’re basically leaving this crap alone!  Why can’t they do the same for Detective?  This is basically ANOTHER new Dark Knight, with the same shitty Finch story and art (sorry man, but it’s decidedly not good)…so we’re re-launching what…half a dozen issues in…MAYBE 3 issues in?  MAKES NO SENSE.  I wasn’t buying it before, I’m not buying it now. PASS.

BATWING 1.  And this is an example of almost getting it right and then fucking it up immediately.  Cause I was kinda interested in Batwing, if only cause it’s a black Batman and I’m wiling to try that out.  And then I read Judd Winnick’s rambling bizarre mess of an interview, which sounded like he didn’t have a fucking clue and now I’m out.  PASS.

Sidenote: DC, prep your fucking people or don’t let them do interviews.  Winnick’s Batwing and Catwoman interviews this week were two of the most ridiculous fucking things ever.

BATWOMAN 1.  Well, this is obviously a buy, as it has been for…sometime just around FOREVER now.  But I’m not counting it as a “buy” because so far as I can tell nobody is touching it (thank the gods) which means it doesn’t count to me as a “re-launch” despite the convenient numbering.  The cover is awesome (as always) but I’m pretty sure I’ve already talked about it at least three times before, so let’s just move on yeah?  J.H. Williams is a god. End of story.

BIRDS OF PREY 1.  It kind of pains me greatly that I can’t buy this…I mean look at it? Badass Jesus Saiz art and a BoP team that actually appears at least to have some diversity.  And despite my bitching earlier in the week, Black Canary’s costume has grown on me.  Plus even Poison Ivy looks kind of rationally dressed.  All good things.  However, Gail Simone has been pulled from the book, which I strongly object to and Oracle is gone (and it’s her damn team) since she’s no longer Oracle, which I even more strenuously object to.  So, with a heavy heart, PASS.

BLACKHAWKS 1.  I’m kind of interested in the girl with her ass to us.  It looks like she has purple-y hair, a blue kitten tattoo, pink sneakers, and smiley face buttons on her badass blackhawks uniform…so it could be love.  I will probably pick this up and flip through it.  If she delivers inside as well, I’ll give it a shot…if not PASS, cause I don’t need ANOTHER book starring an old white dude.  Really don’t.

BLUE BEETLE 1.  The only book I am 100% excited about.  GO JAIME REYES!  BUY (2)

CAPTAIN ATOM 1.  Yawn.  Also, too much purple.*

*This is a private joke for people who know that I kinda hate purple.  I’m sorry if it was lost on you, but now you know that I kinda hate purple and will get the not funny jokes next time!  Yay!

CATWOMAN 1.  And this to me, is the biggest most ultimate fail of the whole damn thing.  Because Catwoman is a character I could not be MORE interested in.  And yet I couldn’t be LESS interested in this book.  First there was the image which is Guillem March, who should NEVER be hired to draw chick focused books. So says ME.

This sucks on so many levels before you even get to the ridiculous-ness that is Selina, unzipped, partially undressed, hanging of a building, and pouring diamonds in her cleavage (most of which are falling to the ground anyway?!).  It’s just a stupid image across the board even without dealing with over the top sexuality ridiculousness.  So strike one there (or like eight strikes, whatever).  THEN we got the solicit text, which called Catwoman an addict…like a billion times.  Which is totally NOT what Selina is about.  So strike two there (or we’re up to like 12, I can’t count).  THEN we get one of the worst creator interviews I’ve ever read courtesy of Judd Winnick in which is he basically says she’s SEXY about a dozen times.  WE GET IT JUDD, SHE’S SEXY!  And really, in ALL SERIOUSNESS…did anyone NOT know she was sexy before seeing that image?  Before reading that interview?  Bitch is sexy.  Bitch would be sexy in a burlap sack.  We don’t need it shoved down our throat 24-7.  So that’s strike three…or like 94…I lost count.  HUGE FUCKING PASS.  In fact, MOST ANGRY PASS OF ALL TIME.

Also, clearly I went over three sentences…by A LOT, but it seems warranted, no?

DCU PRESENTS 1.  I like Deadman.  This cover is cool.  Tentative BUY (3)

DEATHSTROKE 1.  Um, no.  Look at that sword?  Just silly.  He’s gonna get a STROKE just LIFTING it.  Haha, get it.  Yeah, I know it’s not funny, what are you going to do, ask for your money back?  I thought not!  PASS.

DETECTIVE COMICS 1.  Yikers. This is a pretty compelling cover, if only cause every time I look at it I think the Joker is eating real baby heads.  Good cover, even if I’m a devoted non-fan of Mr. Daniel and don’t understand why he gets to do these “big books”.  This is Daniel right…?  I’m too lazy and drunk to look it up…oh wait…there’s the giant ugly signature, yup, Daniel.  PASS.

DMZ 69. Awesome, as per usual.  Great composition, limited color palette and use of lights and darks.  Love the look of this series, every damn month it’s just on.

FABLES 109.  Very cool.  Don’t love issue number integration the way I usually do, but the figures as rendered and on that clean creamy white canvas is good stuff.  I say again, very cool.

FIRESTORM 1.  This cover is like…everything I hate in comics.  Congratulations comics!  Despite Gail Simone co-writing this I’m going to have to pass.  PASS.

FLASH 1.  I’m not trying to be a dick…and maybe it’s cause I’ve never read much Flash…but this just seems like the same old bullshit that we always see.  You know what I’d like to see for once?  A cover where the Flash stands fucking still.  Seriously.  I’m thinking that might be revolutionary.  Or I’ve just had to much to drink.  One or the other.  PASS.

FRANKENSTEIN: AGENTS OF SHADE 1.  I don’t know what’s going on here, but I know it’s phallic as fuck.  Do these dudes even look at what they’re drawing…?  Jesus man.  PASS.

GREEN ARROW 1.  This is the best they can do for a Green Arrow #1 cover?  Really?  The dude in front of a blank wall, in front of an undefined blank space?  A few newspapers floating around.  Jesus H. people, talk about phoning it in.  Also?  Green Arrow needs to do that trick where you look in the mirror and take one thing off before you leave the house.  Costume is WAY on the fussy side.  PASS.

GREEN LANTERN 1.  This is more interesting for a first issue at least.  Fist powerfully clenched, bloody, full of power?  Yeah, cool.  Still, a PASS for me.

GREEN LANTERN CORPS 1.  I like John Stewart, almost as much as I dislike Guy Gardner…so it’s a wash.  But I probably wouldn’t have bought this anyway.  Also, what’s up with the way the earth looks.  Odd.  PASS.

GREEN LANTERN NEW GUARDIANS 1.  The silhouette-y-ness (making up words!) is fun.  I like this cover.  Not going to buy it based on liking the cover alone though.  PASS.

GRIFTER 1.  I kinda always liked Grifter (I also always kinda liked Gambit, but there’s no accounting for taste I guess).  But I’m mostly only interested in him when Zealot’s around.  You do a Zealot and Grifter book and we’ll talk.  In the meantime, is Grifter trying to shoot ghosts?  Cause I’m not a rocket scientist but that’s probably not gonna work.  PASS.

HAWK & DOVE 1.  BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.  I mean…I don’t have to say anything…right?  I mean, we all just KNOW what’s so fundamentally wrong here, right?

Also DC…it’s decisions like this that make people think you are BATSHIT CRAZY INSANE.

ULTIMATE VEHEMENT HATEFUL PASS.

HELLBLAZER 281.  Sweet boots.  Although I confess I’m a bit over the whole “aren’t I a rebel badass cause I’m smoking in front of a no-smoking sign with clear disregard for said sign”.  That doesn’t make you a badass rebel.  I mean it’s A SIGN.  What’s it gonna do?  Grow up.

HOUSE OF MYSTERY 41.  Jesus H. Christ. It’s too late at night for my innocent eyes to see shit like this.

iVAMPIRE 1.  Judging by the CBR poll I think DC has underestimated the knee-jerk reaction and desire to be contrary of comics fandom.  People (by which I mean chicks) are WAY into vampires these days…it’s a whole “thing”, but people who aren’t into Vampires are way NOT into vampires.  This is a bad title for a book that could actually be good.  It’s nice to see some actual NEW content.  Still, for me, this is likely a PASS if only cause of that chicks non-outfit on the cover.  Way to appeal to neither dudes nor chicks DC.  Kudos!

iZOMBIE 17.  I love Mike Allred.  This is not a strong cover.  Though my bias against floating heads may be affecting my judgment.

JUSTICE LEAGUE 1.  There was a time when Jim Lee’s artwork could make my panties wet.  TMI?  Yeah, probably.  Let’s reign it in.  Trying again…There was a time when nothing looked better to me than Jim Lee’s artwork.  That time was nearly 20 years ago (jesus I’m old).  I’m not saying he shouldn’t draw anymore or that he’s bad.  He’s not, he’s JIM MOTHERFUCKING LEE, but he’s also Co-Publisher (whatever that means) at DC.  He should not be drawing books anymore.  And he really shouldn’t be designing costumes anymore (I’m not sure that was ever his strength quite frankly).  It’s really really hard to do even one important job really well…I don’t think he should be trying to do two.

Also, Wonder woman’s boobs in this picture make me ENRAGED.  Look at her compared to all the other characters.  Is this really necessary comics?  Come the fuck on.  I might check out this first issue of this – curiosity and cats and all that.  But ultimately it’s a PASS unless it blows me away (which it won’t).

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK 1.  The idea of this book appeals to me.  As does Madame Xanadu getting some page time.  However, why Madame Xanadu has to come complete with massive fucking boob hole escapes me.  Also, the idea of changing Zatanna’s costume, which never wowed me, but which at least made sense considering who/what she is, with a strapless pleather looking bustier and pleather looking pants is fucking stupid.  Still, I have to give this a tentative BUY (4) – again, curiosity and cats.

JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL 1.  I admit…I’m tempted.  I like Loprestri’s art.  I like Batman and Booster Gold as well as Fire, Ice, and Vixen.  I appreciate that Vixen’s costume has been modified to make it less fucking absurd.  This is tempting…though I don’t know what happened to the character that was in the bottom left originally…strange.  Tentative BUY (5).

LEGION LOST 1.  Let me tell you where you lost me here…though I suspect you can guess.  See the costume on the lady with the wings (which look like they aren’t attached by the way)…yeah.  Ridiculous.  See the only other lady present and that she’s wearing a super low cut top and a fucking skirt?  Yeah.  See how every dude is fully covered up?  These are the signs you give me that tell me that this book won’t be for me.  Lost a potential reader.  Maybe only one…but maybe I am FUCKING LEGION.  LEARN ALREADY.  PLEASE?!  PASS.

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES 1.  I like this cover, it’s cool.  Probably not going to buy it though unless I hear great things. PASS

Drinking update:  The Veuve is gone and we’re only on the letter L!  Fuck me.  Moving on to Vodka and waters with lime.  This is gonna be a long night…already 2:30 am.  What have I done!?!

MEN OF WAR 1.  What about the wimmens?  Just kidding (mostly).  Nice colors.  Nice composition.  War stories leave me a bit cold though to be honest, so probably a pass for me.  PASS.

MISTER TERRIFIC 1.  Great cover (love the colors and graphic elements), interesting creative team and premise.  Finally some diversity.  Definitely giving it a try.  BUY (6)

NIGHTWING 1.  Love Dick (um, you know what I mean, don’t be 12), but liked him as Batman (against all odds by the way) so I’m not thrilled by this. Don’t understand why a character whose color is blue is bathed in red…especially now that we know that Tim Drake will NOT be retconned into oblivion.  I no understand DC.  I probably not buy anyway so don’t worry.  PASS.

NORTHLANDERS 44.  AWESOME.  As always.  I hear Northlanders is canceled.  It makes me want to burn something down.  There’s no justice I tell you.  NO JUSTICE!

O.M.A.C. 1.  Stupid.  Stuuuuuuuupid.  Is that supposed to be his fucking hair?  I say again, STUPID.  PASS.

RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS 1.  I’ve given this artist (Rockafort isn’t it? I’m too drunk and lazy to confirm it) a reasonable amount of praise on this site.  That ends now.  Look at her crazy totally unnecessary boobs.  C’mon man.  Hard to tell if her costume is better…though it would be physically impossible I think to actually make it worse.  Also, Red Hood gets a fucking book and Cass Cain remains in nowhere oblivion?  Again I say, THERE IS NO FUCKING JUSTICE.  PASS.  HUGE GROUCHY FUCKING PASS.

RED LANTERNS 1.  That’s a whole lot of red.  A whole lot of way uninteresting red.  PASS.

RESURRECTION MAN 1.  Good illustration, decent cover overall.  Just not my thing probably. Doesn’t help that it’s yet another white dude.  PASS.

SAVAGE HAWKMAN 1.  Would it have killed them to make this Savage Hawks?  Or Hawkman & Hawkgirl (should be woman, but whatever).  As is, pretty not interested.  Covers not much to write home about either.  PASS>

SCALPED 53.  Very cool.  Smart and well-executed, as usual with Scalped.  Be sad to see this go, if only for a bright spot every month in cover solicits.*

*To clarify, as I understand it DC didn’t cancel this but it is ending at issue 60.

STATIC SHOCK 1.  Good to see some more diversity.  I confess to not being that interested in Static Shock…but I hope it will find an audience.  I don’t love this cover but I think that’s just a personal taste thing, nothing really wrong with it.  Reluctant PASS.

STORMWATCH 1.  I love Martian Manhunter, but not enough to spend money on this I don’t think…certainly not with this as the “exciting first issue cover”  Booooring.  PASS.

SUICIDE SQUAD 1.  Well fuck me sideways, this sucks donkey balls.  What the fuck have they done to Harley?!  WORST. CHARACTER. REDESIGN. EVER. For negative bonus points King Shark looks all f’ed up too. What a goddamn trainwreck this is.  This is what I get instead of Gail Simone’s consistently good Secret Six? I hate you people. PASS. ANGRY MOTHERFUCKING PASS.

SUPERBOY 1.  I already tried out the “new” Superboy comic this year DC…that was your shot.  It wasn’t for me then, it won’t be now.  That said, this cover is pretty great.  PASS.

SUPERGIRL 1.  I have a lot of reasons that I can’t really talk about why I won’t be buying this.  But those absolutely silly cut out knee boots are not helping your case. I guess I should just be glad the skirt is fully gone…but it’s just…it’s NOT THAT HARD TO GET THIS RIGHT PEOPLE.  PASS.

Would looking at these Cory Walker designs have killed you guys? 

SUPERMAN 1.  This drawing is not making a good argument for the new costume…with its totally disproportionate upper to lower body problems.  But the belt is especially embarrassing…like bad design 101.  PASS.

SWAMP THING 1.  Good under-used character, Scott Snyder, and Yanick Paquette?  I’m in.  BUY (7)

TEEN TITANS 1.  I hate ever motherfucking thing about this. But you know the worst thing?  We’ve gone from Nicola Scott to Brett Booth.  ARE YOU INSANE DC?!  It’s decisions like this that make me confident in my utter lack of confidence in you.  PASS.  HUGE EMPHATIC PASS.

THE UNWRITTEN 29.  As usual, good beautiful stuff.  I like how they don’t fake it out on Unwritten…if it’s supposed to look period with creases and torn corners, that’s how it looks.  Gorgeous.

WONDER WOMAN 1.  Where Cliff Chiang goes, so goes my nation.  BUY.  HUGE BUY (8).

YOUNG JUSTICE 8.  Too much green. I get what they were going for, but it fails.

Oh thank christ we’re done…now onto Marvel.  3:00 am.  Jeezus.

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20 comments

  1. Caanan’s avatar

    Yikes on that Frankenstein cover. If he was in a bar, the cops would be there in seconds. Put it AWAY, son!

    The Harley redesign is seventy shades of awful, and you can clearly see they’re trying to go toward the Arkhum Asylum version of her – pull those kids away from their videogames, so says the higher ups at Warner!!! – but just go to a convention once and you will see one of the most beloved costumes ever faithfully recreated many times over more than this ever will.

    Also, I’m surprised you didn’t tear DC a new one with the Static Shock cover, specifically – the billboard up top there – “DC, Making History”. And I thought Marvel had the market cornered on hyperbole… WOW.

  2. Greg Burgas’s avatar

    Too much awesome commentary to mention. Just … Bravo, young lady, bravo.

  3. ross’s avatar

    hahaha so funny. the Flash one. haha.

    what’s that little bat-logo next to Batgirl’s head? like a bat-clasp on her cape? her glove looks like some kind of deep-sea crustacean.

    what is up with Deadman’s torso? cool cover but he’s got this bulge coming out over one of the chains and it looks like a breast or something. which would be cool but i doubt that’s what it’s meant to be.

  4. Tara’s avatar

    Yikes on that Catwoman cover. Eeek, the second I saw it I was like “Ugh, boobs don’t do that when you’re laying down!!” UGH. Also the Nightwing cover for me screams Spider-man, simply just because of his pose.

    God these are so fun to read, I always look forward to these!

  5. litbandit’s avatar

    I love how DC is bringing me back to when I was 12 and thought comics like Spawn and Witchblade were the coolest comics ever, with the best art. Hey, I was 12. It’s funny, when I finally started to get back into superhero comics (thanks to Brubaker, Simone, Morrison and Snyder) DC brings me right back to the time when I gave up on them.

    And is that Bisley who did the Deathstroke cover? Such a disappointment- I love his covers to Morrison’s Doom Patrol.

    Sigh. Oh well DC, I guess I still have Northlanders. Oh wait…

  6. kfugrip’s avatar

    Jim Lee is ruining costume design. His answer to every design is: more visible seams, more fussy detail around the knees/forearms/elbows, and a couple boob-windows wouldn’t hurt. Comic fans will look back on this day the way they look back at the proliferation of pouches in the 90′s and shake their collective heads.

  7. Brendan T’s avatar

    It’s DMZ ending at 60, iirc. Scalped has another year or two to go, I do believe.

    Though the boobage is…well, comic book boobage, I kind of like that my eye is drawn to Wonder Woman on the cover of Justice League #1, especially with the lasso everywhere. It makes her feel like the center of the team, and I appreciate that. It’s still not as awesome as the badass Infinite Crisis #1 cover with her (which both my girlfriend and best female friend LOVE, and I tend to agree with them on it) but (sadly) I’ll take what I can get.

    I’m actually kind of excited for Supergirl #1. Mostly because the writers had a really fun run on Superman Batman and the artist is generally amazing (Dynamo 5 is a really great book) but I can see why you wouldn’t be.

    I’ve also got high hopes for Nightwing. Before totally passing on it, consider the writer is coming off a cowriting gig on Gates of Gotham with Snyder. What little I’ve seen of his work is good, but as far as the Bat-family goes it’s tough to say how much is him and how much is Snyder, but worth a look anyway.

    Anyway, my (many) cents.

    Always love the cover solicits. This might have made my Saturday.

  8. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @Caanan: I think I was too drunk by “S” to come up with any legitimate thoughtful critique of the Static Shock cover. That said, in the harsh light of day, do you find it interesting that it also says LIES on the cover. I find that intriguing.

    @Greg: Well, rarely do I stun you into JUST praise. ;) Mission accomplished!

    @Ross: I didn’t notice the Deadman thing…but you’re totally right. I suspect it’s supposed to be like…his ribcage…? but it’s definitely off.

    @Tara: Thanks :) The Catwoman cover makes me want to weep. :(

    @litbandit: You are not wrong friend. I feel similarly.

    @Adam: Don’t forget the collars. It’s collars for everyone!

    @Brendan T: DMZ is ending at 72 (that cover for September is #69). I read here, that Scalped is ending at 60 (or thereabouts):

    http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=31768

    As I said, I have very specific reasons that I unfortunately can’t share about why I’ll be passing on Supergirl…and I wish I could share them, cause I think a lot of people would agree with my boycott. Suffice to say, you’re never going to know what you’re missing. Glad she’s out of the cheerleader costume though, even if it does come with silly boots.

    But I’m just not interested in Dick going back to being Nightwing (in a similar but less vehement way that I’m not interested in Oracle going back to being Batgirl). It adds insult to injury that it is against all odds that they managed to both make me really like Dick in the Batsuit, AND make me okay with them both remaining in the suit, so it’s endlessly frustrating to see them undo it after all of that. I’m also just pretty anti the idea of regression. I get that we’re having an age regression (which I’m also not a fan of – just create an ultimate line if you feel compelled to tell younger stories) but regressing characters back to something they were 20 years ago really feels like a whole lotta fail to me on many levels. Additionally, while I liked the first issue of Gates of Gotham, I didn’t like it nearly as much as the other stuff Snyders has done on his own…which leads me to suspect that it’s the co-writer there that is not quite my cup of tea. We’ll see though…willing to give it all a chance.

  9. Nicolás Britos’s avatar

    Uh, I was waiting for this, and man was it worth the wait! I think I agree 100% with everything, and then some more. Congratulations!

  10. uthor’s avatar

    I did giggle seeing Superboy (I’m assuming) pulling off a “brokeback” on the Teen Titans cover.

    As a heterosexual male, the cover of Suicide Squad is attractive (not that it isn’t too ridiculous to buy), but that’s seriously Harley? I’m not a big DC reader, but I would never have quessed that.

  11. Hutch’s avatar

    (this is going to be long, so I apologize in advance)
    Before I get into rip mode, I do want to give positive acknowledgement where positive acknowledgement would seem to be due.
    According to Rich Johnson (of Bleedingcool.com), “there is an editorial edict for the DC Comics superlaunch that their female superheroes wear more… practical clothing.”
    http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/06/01/flashpost-dc-women-to-wear-trousers/
    If this is indeed the case, then I want to credit DC for finally realizing how ridiculous the costumes were as worn by many of their female characters. The fact that they would have appear to have recognized how stupid it is for female characters to be wearing a skirt or the equivalent of bikini bottoms is definitely a step in the right direction.
    So we have.
    But now lets see how this ‘supposed’ edict actually holds up in execution.
    Batgirl – no bikini bottom or skirt (but she never had either before, so this is really no change). No exposed cleavage (I realize this isn’t in the ‘supposed’ edict, but I’m adding it as a category check anyway). Excellent execution (I’m not going to comment on the whole Barbara Gordon as Batgirl issue — numerous people have stated their opinions on the loss of Oracle far better than I could).
    Batwoman – no changes here. Excellent execution.
    Birds of Prey – Black Canary is no longer wearing the bikini bottoms. Poison Ivy is not wearing bikini bottoms. In fact, no one on this cover is wearing bikini bottoms. We have exposed cleavage on only one of these characters, and it is faily minimal. I’m going to give this one an excellent on execution (because you can’t expect exposed cleavage to completely disappear). I am disappointed that Gail Simone is no longer associated with this title, just as I’m disappointed Huntress is gone and so is Lady Blackhawk. And most telling, Oracle is gone. In other words, this really isn’t Birds of Prey anymore. It was one of my favorite books, and now it is a title I believe I will be passing on. (ouch)
    Blackhawks – no bikini bottoms. No exposed cleavage (as far as I can tell). There is an exposed mid-riff (which is sorta dumb given this is a military-type operation — however I notice that particular character is also wearing pink sneakers whereas everyone else has more practical military boots … well except the woman in red who has minor heels on her boots … so I’m taking a guess that maybe she wasn’t originally part of the regular team and got dragged into their operation somehow). I will give this one a very good on execution.
    Catwoman – no bikini bottoms but lots of unnecessary exposed cleavage. Look, I get that Catwoman is a sexy character. I can understand how she might utilize that sexiness to her advantage. But it is something that she should only use when necessary. In other words, most of the time she should be zipped up. But when she gets into a situation where she needs to trick or distact someone, then she could unzip the top a bit to draw eyes elsewhere. Unzipped should not be the normal MO however. I’m going to give this one an average on execution. Needs work.
    Deathstroke – this has nothing to do with the women’s clothing edict. I just want to comment on the fact that the sword is just ridiculously large. C’mon Bisley. C’mon DC. Let’s not be stupid here.
    Frankenstein: Agents of Shade – is that a gun in your pocket or ….. Do the editors not look at these things? Ok, we have two female characters. One appears to be wearing a long dress and hassome exposed cleavage. The younger female character seems like she might be wearing a short skirt, but I can’t tell for certain. It gives the appearance of the schoolgirl type outfit you see in manga which is why I am making the assumption it is a short skirt. Now there very well could be a good reason she is wearing it for this story arc and it is possible it may not be her usual outfit. We don’t know one way or the other. So I’m giving this one a below average/incomplete on the execution.
    Green Arrow – again, nothing to do with female characters. I just have to comment on how lame this cover is. For a brand new relaunch that is trying to attract new readers, it just isn’t something that grabs you. In fact, to be honest, a majority of the covers this month are pretty average to lame. DC really should have brought their A game for this relaunch on the covers. There should have been a lot better planning behind it. These covers need to blow people away. They need to say “YOU F’N HAVE TO PICK UP THIS TITLE!” And very few of these covers do that.
    Hawk and Dove – hahahahahahahahaha (I’ll comment after I stop laughing) hahahahahahaha. Yeah. So …. I would love to buy a Hawk and Dove comic. Really I would. And I used to really like Liefeld’s art back when I was just a young punk who didn’t know any better. That was a long time ago though. Seriously DC. Those days have passed. Get with the program. As far as outfits — no change to Dove, so excellent execution on the female costume part of this.
    I, Vampire – essentially a bikini bottom and plenty of expose cleavage. No choice but to give a fail here. I do want to say something in regards to your comments, Kelly. The male character is the protagonist and the female character is the antogonist (as I understand it). So on the one hand, while the female character would on the surface be off-putting to female readers, I think it has the chance maybe to not be quite so negative in that respect just because she is the ‘bad guy’ and the male character might have a lot of appeal to those readers. You would know better than I on that front however.
    Justice League – Everybody has pants on, so that is plus. But apparently Jim Lee and the artist of the Frankenstein: Agents of Shade title subscribe to the same ‘add big guns as phallic elements to your work’ school. I’m not overly enamored of Wonder Woman’s costume, but the fact she has pants is a big plus. They could definitely tone down the exposed cleavage though. Giving this one an average on execution.
    Justice League Dark – we can’t really tell if there is a skirt of bikini bottoms on Madame Xanadu (though given her previous appearances, I think we can assume she will either be wearing a full length skirt of pants). Zatanna now has pants. But she also has exposed cleavage she never had before and a little bit of the midriff is bare as well. And Madame Xanadu would appear to have lots of exposed cleavage as well. (to be fair, Deadman also has some chest exposure) I’m giving this one a below average. They could have done a better job with Zatanna. I feel like Madame Xanadu’s outfit will be one that is not static so chances are she’ll be in some more normal clothes along the way.
    Justice League International – no bikini bottoms and no aparent expose cleavage (though we don’t know for certain what Fire is wearing when she isn’t in her ‘flaming’ form). Excellent execution.
    Legion Lost – if it was just the female character on the left with the expose cleavage, I would probably be ok with it. She is wearing a jacket, so that helps a little. She does have a skirt on though, so I have to subtract points on that (though she appears to be wearing thigh high boots, so that makes it slightly less negative). But then you have Dawnstar and her ridiculous outfit. Really DC? Closed collar at top but exposed torso down to the navel with only a couple of horizontal straps to keep it together (and hold everything in place)? Just bloody stupid. Fail on the execution.
    <Legion of Superheroes – we haven’t seen the full team here, so there could be lots of things that are objectionable. As it is, we have one female on the cover in an outfit that I would guess either has a short skirt of perhaps a full length skirt. She has a little exposed cleavage. Not really enough information to give a grade on so I’ll just have to call this incomplete.
    Red Hood and the Outlaws – the hat on Arsenal looks stupid. Just had to get that out of the way. Starfire has pants on, so that is plus. She is also just about to bust out of that tiny top she is in, so that is a big minus. I’m giving this one a below average (because no way is that top practical in terms of how it is presented here).
    Red Lanterns – no exposed cleavage but we’ve got the bikini bottoms. ON BOTH FEMALE CHARACTERS. They are both wearing thigh high boots though. Still, I’m tagging this as a fail on execution. Didn’t meet the edict.
    Suicide Squad – good gods. Do I even need to comment here? Fail on ever part of any edict. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing at all practical about that outfit. I like Harley’s hair here, but that is it. Everything else about her outfit is an absolute fail. Whoever designed it should be taken behind the woodshed and thoroughly whipped.
    Supergirl – and we have bikini bottoms again. But you know what, Supergirl is one of the very few female characters who can actually pull that off. You don’t have any cases where she would be in an environment where she would be cold (at least compared to most other characters), so not having pants is actually acceptable for her. Plus, definitely an improvement over the skirt. And the fact that she has thigh high boots helps as well. But the stupid knee cut-outs … if they would eliminate those, I would give this a very good on execution (even with the bikini bottoms).
    Teen TItans – no bikini bottoms and no exposed cleavage (so far as we can tell). So it gets an excellent on execution, even though I don’t really care for the cover as a whole (nor the changes to Wonder Girl). I do like Red Robins wing cape though. That is kind of cool.
    Wonder Woman – her top is actually a lot more reasonable here. Seems like the stars on her pants should be white though. I give this an excellent on execution (so long as the interiors minimize the exposed cleavage as well).
    So for the most part, I have to say DC did a pretty good job sticking to their edict. There are obviously a couple of glaring instances (Suicide Squad being the worst of the bunch), but I definitely think they are headed in a good direction. Lets just hope they continue on that path and don’t regress to where they previously were.

  12. Joan’s avatar

    Wait, Northlanders is gone too? Dammit! The one DC book I always, always buy!

  13. Keith Bowden’s avatar

    Wow. Just… wow.

    It’s funny, your personal golden age for comics (when you got into them and are fondly remembered) I consider a pretty gawawful period, so I have absolutely no appreciation for Jim Lee’s art – particularly his costume design – though I can see (mostly in his older stuff) that he has (or at least had) a solid grasp of anatomy and form. I don’t see it much anymore and lump him in with Liefeld. (Speaking of whom, a little warning next time! My eyes! Oh fuck, the pain!)

    Somewhat disappointed that iVampire is an offshoot of iZombie rather than a new version of I, Vampire.

    But bottom line? This reboot is fucking botched. Three, maybe four of the #1 covers strike me as interesting – not counting Batwoman #1, ’cause that’s merely a long-delayed release, not a revamp. That one is the only guaranteed sale for me.

    How many drugs was George Perez on when he drew Superman #1? Didja notice DC’s self-congratulatory sign on Static Shock?

    And just because I’ve typed this in one form or another for months but always wind up deleting it because it’s not relevant: I’m not dissing Morrison, I know what a power he is in comics and always has been… but I can’t stand his writing. I like a lot of his ideas a whole lot, his books always *sound* fantastic, but I just don’t like his prose. This has no bearing on anything, I just got tired of not saying it.

    It isn’t your fault, but this round of drunken reviews wasn’t very funny, just frustrating, sad and depressing. (Well, alcohol IS a depressant…)

    Bring on the Marvel! (Speaking of which, if they devote a series to Kilgrave the Purple Man, you’re first in line for it, aren’t you?) :)

  14. Stephanie H’s avatar

    Another thing that might be interesting to say (if that’s not already done) is that the Dc relaunch is also almost 100% male made event (which explains maybe why you disliked so much of them)? I read this creazy article and didn’t know what to think about it http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/06/12/gendercrunching-the-dc-relaunch/

    I mean, are there so few women willing to work for comic books publishers or is it the industry that is ignoring them … Since I am doing this job, I ‘ve been asked this quetion again and agin, (and asked it to myself) but, I had the general feeling that things were changing, not only the right way, but evoluting at least….
    These last numbers left me very desapointed.

    Anyway …
    I always wait your drunk covers sollicits. So funny !

    (my english is lame, sorry)

  15. Brendan T’s avatar

    @Kelly : Hey, to each their own. I’m not a fan of regressive storytelling either, but in the case of Dick, he’s never really wanted to be Batman ever. Nightwing’s always been very much ‘his’ and I think the character is at his best when he’s in that suit, no matter how much I loved his run as Batman, I’m happy to see him ‘home’ so to speak. But then, him as Batman was sort of over for me when Bruce came back, no matter how much I loved the Snyder run and it’s saying otherwise.

    Thanks for the heads up about Scalped. With it and DMZ ending soon(ish), my Vertigo buying is almost at an end, I fear. Need to give American Vampire another look, but the first couple issues didn’t wow me. I’ve heard it improves though.

    And the thing I forgot about before!

    I love how the Blackhawks cover delivers a functional brokeback for that nifty char you pointed out, then basically blocks the butt shot with a male character. Something about that just makes me laugh.

  16. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @Nicolas: Glad I could make your morning! Thanks for reading!

    @Uthor: Superboy is pretty brokeback there…one of the most dude brokebacks I’ve ever seen actually – nice call. I think the SS Harley revamp is pushing her more towards her video came look – from Arkham Asylum. Which is a fucking trainwreck:
    http://www.cosplayisland.co.uk/files/costumes/558/12980/ref%202.gif

    @Hutch: That is…a very long comment. :) I didn’t talk much about the whole “pants” thing, as DC has been trying to counter it saying that it’s not true (cover solicits would suggest that it’s not since Supergirl, Harley, and others don’t have pants – especially Harley since she actually DID have pants). But you’re not wrong in your breakdowns.

    @Joan: Yup. Northlanders (an EXCELLENT book) is cancelled, but will go to issue #50. Which means we have the current one shot on stands now as well as a nine-part final arc.
    http://brianwood.tumblr.com/post/6305121342/the-unfuture-of-northlanders

    @Keith Bowden: Well, I don’t know that I’d call it my “golden age”, but I would call it “the time I got involved in comics” :) The 90′s were godawful in many ways, but they were my entrance into the world. I was in denial for a long time about how bad they were (especially my burgeoning feminist side) I actually just wrote an essay about this very subject for a book I was asked to contribute to about women and comics.

    Ironically, when I look back on my old 90′s comics I still like Lee’s work there. Much more than I like it now actually. He’s an artist that I don’t think has gotten better overtime, but that has stayed the same while the world around him changed…that’s not a good look as an artist. All that said I’d never put him (or some of his contemporaries – like Silvestri, who I’ve always had a soft spot for – man did a great Rogue!) in the same category as Liefeld. Liefeld belongs in a catgeory all himself. I mean, we’ve all seen this thing right? If you haven’t, go and laugh until you cry and then thank me. :)
    http://www.progressiveboink.com/archive/robliefeld.html

    @Stephanie: First of all, thanks for stopping by – I’m a huge fan. Secondly, I sometimes take it for granted that people who read me here are already in the know about the other stuff I write – I shouldn’t do that. I’ve modified the post above to link to the two recent pieces I did (one a column, one a podcast) about the DC Re-launch, both serious, and both of which talk a lot about the lack of female creators and what a problem that is. I didn’t talk about it here because simply because I was drunk and this is a comedy post, and thus I didn’t feel it was the right place to raise those very serious questions. But I agree with you wholeheartedly – and I was wrong not to preface the post with those links so others could see where I stand when “not drunk” :)

    Here are the links in case you want to check them out:
    http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/2011/06/13/3-chicks-review-comics-episode-019/
    http://goodcomics.comicbookresources.com/2011/06/06/she-has-no-head-again-she-has-no-head/

    Thanks again for reading – and for commenting!

    @Brendan T: Fair enough on Nightwing. I really like Dick Grayson, but I guess I’m not THAT attached to him in the Nightwing persona, not when they did such a great job making him Batman. But I can understand your attachment. For me, I think it would be pretty hard in reality, no matter how much you liked your old created identity, to go backwards from being Batman. I mean, it’s BATMAN, yo! But part of that all comes down to not understanding how all of this re-launch is actually going to work (despite a lot of DC people TRYING to explain it). Like how do you regress Barbara Gordon’s age and undo her history but Damian Wayne still exists? Does not compute. Time will tell I suppose.

  17. Stephanie H’s avatar

    you’re very welcome.
    I really like your work too.
    I feel sorry, I do not listen to posdcasts cause usually everybody talks too fast for me and I miss half the thing and most of the clever ones :/ I should try again :)

  18. AERose’s avatar

    I think you missed the mark a lil bit on Hellblazer. I mean, yeah, smoking-in-front-of-the-no-smoking-sign LAME but look at his sad little eyes! Clearly thinking to himself “if I had any sense at all I’d quit this magic shit and get a job, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about dingy laundromats and all my remaining friends and relatives being at constant risk of brutal murder by demons. But I don’t have any sense, I won’t get a real job, and do I actually have any friends or relatives left? Jesus. One more cigarette certainly won’t kill me.”

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