Here are the “rules“.
If you’d like to see the full DC December Cover Solicits head on over to CBR.
Come one, come all, to our bi-monthly installment of DRUNK COVER SOLICITS IN THREE SENTENCES OR LESS!
So, how does the year 2012 start out for DC Comics…let’s see!
ACTION COMICS 5. And so here we learn that the phallic symbolism was there from the very beginning. Here it comes!
ALL-STAR WESTERN 5. Nice lights and darks here and those bats are completely awesome.
AMERICAN VAMPIRE 23. This is a really compelling image because it’s simultaneously both horrifying and almost fun and light. It creates a good juxtaposition, though it’s pretty damn creepy.
ANIMAL MAN 5. OH JESUS FUCKING GOD. WHAT THE HELL?! Other than this being horrifying…it’s pretty cool…someone pass the bleach.
AQUAMAN 5. I have no idea what’s going on here…or what that expression is supposed to mean. That said, I’m down with the colors. But you guys know I’m a sucker for limited color palettes.
BATGIRL 5. Mmmm. This is the best Hughes Batgirl cover yet. Nice white space and negative space, good composition and movement. Again, a nice limited color palette.
BATMAN 5. Nice composition creating nice graphic shapes. Good lights and darks. I’m also very down with Capullo’s “super square-jawed Bruce” but for the most part this is not as interesting as the last couple covers.
BATMAN THE DARK KNIGHT 5. When I see covers like this I have to wonder what these artists think of Batman…my Bruce would never make this weird damn expression. Also…where IS he? There’s no structure to where he’s kneeling…it’s so confusing. I hate it.
BATWING 5. I guess it’s supposed to be a mask, but at first it looks like Batwing has knocked off part of that dude’s face…and it’s pretty horrifying.
BATWOMAN 5. So beautiful and layered and horrifying and smart. Look at how much is going on here while still being beautifully executed!
BIRDS OF PREY 5. SIGH. WHAT A FREAKING NIGHTMARE. Why won’t DC just let Finch do his own stupid damn book and stop farming out his shoddy work to all my books! Everything about this sucks.
BLACKHAWKS 5. I wish she would turn a little more so we could get FULL brokeback instead of just PARTIAL brokeback. /sarcasm
BLUE BEETLE 5. I want to like this book so damn much. These covers are not helping. I find them the direct opposite of compelling.
CATWOMAN 5. Man…it takes a really long time to even figure out what’s going on here. I will say that I like Selina’s face more here than in the other March covers. But that’s…all I got. I think that…what is it…white rebar (?) in the foreground is really fucking things up…it’s visually very confusing.
DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS 5. These Ryan Sook covers with Deadman have been very cool and beautiful. This one is not my favorite (that would be issue #2), but it’s still pretty damn good.
DETECTIVE COMICS 5. Ugh. So many damned ugly lines. It’s so fucking fussy looking. This return to 90′s overworked superhero art at DC is really bumming me out. This also really doesn’t work as a split screen. Fail.
DIABLO 2. Despite weird float-y giant background head I like this. It’s got a looseness I like and nice movement.
FABLES 113. I love the illustration work and colors here. So pretty.
GREEN ARROW 5. “I have your arrows now little green man!” *
*I’ve run out of jokes. Yes, already. Omg we’re only on the letter ‘G’.
GREEN LANTERN CORPS 5. Is he putting that through that guy’s head? Jesus comics.
GREEN LANTERN NEW GUARDIANS 5. I really appreciate a broad that knows how to pose seductively, ass out and back arched, while she’s being sucked into a bright white thing in space.
GRIFTER 5. I appreciate the guns on the broad, although I’m not sure all of them actually exist. Also, what good are guns against partially intangible ghost/alien things? Clearly, not much.
HAWK & DOVE 5. Does Hawk shave just that one little part of his thigh? Could that signature panel be any bigger? Look at Hawk’s back foot…what is he, a ballerina…it’s literally on point? Does Liefeld have feet? Does he know how they work? Why is Hawk glowing red? Is that what color he turns when he takes a poop? Why are they seemingly in outerspace…but also on a disk of light that looks like ground? Do you guys see what’s going on with Dove’s hair…as it gets close to the edge? What is HAPPENING there? Did he just quit? Did he just look at it and go, “Oh, I mostly finished it, good enough!”
SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!
HELLBLAZER 87. Um…is there any way that monster isn’t coming out of his genitals? It totally looks like he’s peeing tentacles. Which is, I must say, pretty damn impressive.
I, VAMPIRE 5. I want to like this but honestly…it feels rushed. There’s not enough variation (even for monochromatic) in the reds…or something. You know how I’m always going on about “lights and darks”? This is the opposite of that. Everything feels very similar in tone, and as a result it’s muddy and impotent.
I, ZOMBIE 21. Eh. But it’s Mike Allred, so “eh” still means “pretty good”.
Sidenote: Is that a brain inside a coffee carafe?
JUSTICE LEAGUE 5. Ugh. This is such a mess. Also, if I’m honest, I could go my WHOLE DAMN LIFE without seeing another giant American flag waving. It’s become such a cliche that it doesn’t even inspire any feeling any more. I’m also not a fan of Diana holding a giant knife. WTF? Nice to see Cyborg front and center I guess if I HAVE to look on the positive side.
JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK 5. This is great. Despite just being a fighting mess, it’s got great clarity and movement. The characters all have personality and vibrancy. The composition is nice, the color, the negative space. Great stuff.
JUSTICE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL 5. “Grandmother…what big EYES you have.”
“Also? What a bizarre fucking costume you have…especially in the uh…nose area…”
LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES 5. What the hell is going on here? Is this an interior page or a cover? It’s a fucking mess whatever it is.
LEGION: SECRET ORIGIN 4. Um…Ditto.
MEN OF WAR 5. These covers are pretty good. The use of negative space and composition here is great, and the graphic elements on the flag are cool and the lights and darks here are very strong.
MISTER TERRIFIC 5. It’s odd because some of this is really beautiful…but Mister Terrific himself looks really bizarre – strangely posed and weirdly proportioned. And what’s up with his face??
NIGHTWING 5. Why does Nightwing have green goo inside him? I thought at first maybe this was the “clone” dude that’s been causing havok (right? the Nightwing “double” or whatever?)…but there’s also blood…so I don’t know what the F is going on. I will say that fans of Dick’s anatomy all over the world can’t be enjoying this. Also, “Dick’s anatomy”? Not a phrase you get to say every day.
NORTHLANDERS 48. Gorgeous.
PENGUIN: PAIN AND PREJUDICE 4. Smart and well executed.
RED HOOD & THE OUTLAWS 5. Oh joy. More chick tropes for this book. We’ve had the “chick that loves to have meaningless fucks with dudes and their friends – cause she’s an alien“, “chick that wears completely unreasonable costume – cause she’s an alien“, now we can have the tried and true “damsal in distress”. Woo. Go comics!
RED LANTERNS 5. I just…I don’t even have words. A giant thong, 100% brokeback pose, AND vomiting blood? Awesome. /sarcasm
STATIC SHOCK 5. Gotta say, I miss the Chris Brunner/Rico Renzi covers…they had this great color palette and much more interesting compositions. T_T
STORMWATCH 5. No goddamn idea what is going on here…except that I think the guy in red is getting a knee to the groin…cause that’s definitely a “knee to the groin expression”.
SUICIDE SQUAD 5. If you can look past the absolutely ridiculous Harley costume there are some nice graphic elements to this cover, including the text. The color choices are on the smart side as well. And frankly…I kind of like the drawing. Too bad about the goddamn costume.
SUPERBOY 5. Oh Caitlin Fairchild…how far we’ve fallen. This used to be you. Now you’re a clinging damsel in distress…with one of the most bizarre bare midriff I’ve ever seen, a totally inappropriate skirt, and raised leg “sexiness”. This doesn’t really feel like progress.
SUPERGIRL 5. Other than the extreme low-cut-ness of our villainess I kinda love this. Great colors and action, composition and movement.
SUPERMAN 5. I’m trying not to be incredibly bored by this. I am failing.
SUPERNATURAL 4. Nguyen continues his brilliant watercolor covers. I wish he could take over the world with these watercolors.
SWAMP THING 5. That pig is PISSED.
THE FLASH 5. When this guy poops a million ghost-y skulls come out to play. Also, poop. Eww.
THE RAY 2. Wow. This is great. The way the figure is rendered in light is really fantastic and it naturally creates really great lights and darks. Great moment, composition and negative space.
THE SAVAGE HAWKMAN 5. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. That’s savage, yo.
TINY TITANS 48. Sometimes I feel like Tiny Titans is the only comic book that listens to me. Thank you Tiny Titans.
UNWRITTEN 33.5. Gorgeous as always. I really like the colors here, very muted and beautiful.
UNWRITTEN 33. Well, I mean it has an awesome dragon…so you don’t have to do much more than that!
VOODOO 5. I guess I feel thankful that Voodoo has a costume that fully covers her. But I dislike that she basically looks like a white girl with a tan. Beggars can’t be choosers?
WONDER WOMAN 5. Absolutely awesome. What an amazing way to end. Cliff Chiang makes everything better.