2012 April DC Drunk Cover Solicits In Three Sentences Or Less…

Here are the “rules“.

If you’d like to see the full DC April Cover Solicits head on over to CBR.

Not so much the funny this month…I don’t know if that’s my fault or the covers not giving me much to work with.  Either way…lower your expectations a bit!

Come one, come all, to our bi-monthly installment of DRUNK COVER SOLICITS IN THREE SENTENCES OR LESS!

ALL-STAR WESTERN 8.  Hmm. Still like the illustration style, but this is much less effective than last month’s which kind of blew me away.  Still love the color palette though. Although…the more I look at this…the more disturbing it is…I mean we’re looking directly at her crotch…and the way his head is…um…yeah.

AMERICAN VAMPIRE 26. This is stunning.  Love the loose line work – it has a great energy, but the colors are fucking fantastic.

ANIMAL MAN 8.  I kind of suspect this isn’t the final cover, that it’s unfinished.  But I wish this was the finished version.  I think it’s kinda badass.

AQUAMAN 8.  Kinda boring but it’s nice to see Mera on a cover, and her costume is fairly reasonably low cut as opposed to unreasonably low cut, which are generally our two options in superhero costumes.

BATGIRL 8.  This is…really unfortunate.  In addition to being ugly as sin, the positioning is very…yeah, I’m going to stick with unfortunate.  As is the face.  I don’t think Syaf was trying to draw anything borderline obscene with horrible implications, but there it is just the same.

I blame the Fed Ex Arrow.  The Fed Ex Arrow is to blame for all of this:(

BLUE BEETLE 8.  What an utter mess. I wish these covers better illustrated what’s inside.  They have just been terrible.

BATMAN ODYSSEY 13.  You know the fucked up thing about this?  This is the LEAST bat-shit crazy of the Odyssey covers…and LOOK AT IT?!?!?!

BATMAN & ROBIN 8.  Does anyone know who these two people are?  Cause they aren’t anyone I recognize. I mean, they’re clearly dressed up as Batman and Robin…but they’re clearly imposters.

BIRDS OF PREY 8.  Love it.  Love, love, love it.  A bunch of ladies kicking ass and taking names, and it’s not drawn by Finch so they actually look like reasonable (beautiful) human beings and not some bizarre assemblage of body parts stitched together in a way that no human being is.  Have I talked about how much I love Poison Ivy’s redesign?  No?  Well I do on 3 Chicks on Monday, so listen to that, yo.

BATWOMAN 8.  SO EXCITED!!!!  Amy Reeder doing Batwoman is something I have been excited about for…like a year.  IT’S FINALLY HERE!!!  And this is my favorite of her covers that we’ve seen so far.  Absolutely fantastic.  Love the limited color palette and pops of red.  Just stunning. It feels so quintessential “Bat” to me.

CATWOMAN 8.  I would love to give this points for Selina’s costume being zipped up, but the anatomy is so fucked up…I just can’t even begin.  I mean…do you see her TORSO…what about her FUCKING GROIN?!?!?!  WTF?  And she’s still sporting crazy eyes.  UGH.

DETECTIVE COMICS 8.  This is one of the better Tony Daniel covers I’ve seen.  The way they’re all sliding off of the page is nice and gives the cover great energy.  The bad guy heads are also scary as fuck.  Pretty good.

FABLES 116.  The colors are nice here and that tiger is fucking fierce…but this isn’t one of the better Fables covers I’ve seen. #sadface

FAIREST 2.  Love it. The illustration work, the color palette, the great sense of humor and energy about it.

FLASH 8.  Pretty cool.

FRANKENSTEIN AGENT OF S.H.A.D.E. 8.  I love the composition on this, with everything pushed to the left.  Illustration work is nice too.

GREEN ARROW 8.  Kind of a mess.

GRIFTER 8.  I bet this book is about muscles.  Shirtless muscles.  And some guns.

HAWK & DOVE 8.  This cover confuses me so much.  Help walk me through it.  What is that idiotic top piece of Dove’s costume supposed to be made of..?  Because it appears both opaque and completely translucent…even showing off her muscles, clavicle, and even the shading on her skin…?  Also, whose right leg does she have?  Because it can’t possibly be hers.  How is Hawk standing with his legs that far apart…I mean are you seeing this?  How are those weird strips on Hawk’s costume attached?  Is it super glue?  Are they held on by the power of his mind?  Lastly…what is the “effect” at the bottom of the page that is making the whole bottom of the image all blurry.  What is it about?  I MUST KNOW!!!!

HELLBLAZER 290.  Woo.  Very cool and effective.  The missing eyes are particularly gruesome.

I,VAMPIRE 8.  This is great.  Love the limited color palette and the great effect on the lead character – which creates great movement and division of space while also creating a badass graphic element.  Looks like this is crossing over with Justice League Dark?  I do worry if this cover is going to be utterly destroyed once the title block is added though.  :/

I, ZOMBIE 24.  I’m conflicted.  On the one hand, I think we all know this is fairly awesome.  On the other…what. the. fuck.

JUSTICE LEAGUE 8. I guess this means GA is not down with the JL?  In other news, this is maybe the best I’ve seen Diana rendered in the new 52 outside of her own book.

Still, she should be taller than Superman.  When will the rest of comics catch up with that?

JUSTICE LEAGUE DARK 8.  This is fucking great.  Not my favorite of Sook’s covers for JL Dark (that would maybe be #7 last month) but still excellent.

LEGION.  Nice to see a lady getting the solo cover treatment and not having to bare a lot of flesh to do so.  I could do without the cheesy “characters reflected in the sword” thing though.

MEN OF WAR 8.  Honestly, these Men of War covers have been fantastic.  Too bad the book itself doesn’t interest me much.  This cover is no exception. Frankenstein doesn’t really mesh with the idea of war planes, so right out of the gate this is pretty interesting.  Add to that the desaturated color palette with the pops of red and it’s both cool and intriguing, a little scary.

MISTER TERRIFIC 8.  This is better than the last six or so of these have been, but it’s still not quite working the way the first two did.  Still the face seems off to me and the figure work a little strange.

THE NEW DEADWARIANS 2.  Wow. Very smart, very cool, very effective.  Definitely one of the best of the month.  I’ll be checking this out.

NIGHT FORCE 2.  This almost works – the colors are nice, the textures are great, and some of the images are intriguing…but it doesn’t quite come together and ends up feeling kind of like a mess.

NORTHLANDERS 50.  I don’t know if this is the real cover for the end of Northlanders, but I kinda hope it is.  It’s great.  Very bold and matter of fact.  I like it.

NIGHTWING 8.  No, just no.  It’s so damn silly.  Embarrassing.

O.M.A.C. 8.  If I had to guess OMAC, they’re getting rid of you thanks to that shit ass mohawk you have.  It’s just ridiculous man.

RED HOOD & THE OUTLAWS 8.  What a mess.  Also, looking at this cover it’s impossible for me to understand how anyone could think that no matter who you were, that it would be comfortable to fight crime in a swimsuit…a bikini no less.

RESURRECTION MAN 8.  Very nice Rafael Albuquerque Resurrection Man cover…much better than what we’ve been seeing.  I love the combination of the very graphic with the highly rendered death in the background.  Cool indeed.

SAUCER COUNTY 2.  Wow. This is fucking fantastic.  So simple and so damn effective.

SAVAGE HAWKMAN 8.  Adam has begged me to say something other than “Savage, Yo” for this week…but I honestly can’t think of anything.  What about

Silly, yo.

Yeah, that works too.

SCALPED 58.  As usual Scalped nails that perfect combination of scary and compelling.  Love the white space, the positive and negative space, as well as the limited monochromatic color palette and the energy of the composition.

SUPERGIRL 8.  This is a really cool concept executed well.  Except the face.  The face is really weak here.  Bummer.

SHADE 7.  Very cool offering for Shade.  Nice use of color and composition.  Lots of energy.

SUPERMAN 8.  Wow.  They’re really trying to reach new heights with weirdness on Superman.  I mean the dude has been besieged by tentacles of late…and now they’re inside him? Very disturbing.  Also, I can’t tell you how weird it is to see this Daemonite Wildstorm character in a Superman book…its kind of freaking me out.

SPACEMAN 6.  Fucking fantastic.  Best Spaceman cover yet.

SUICIDE SQUAD 8.  Gods. There aren’t words for how much I hate this shit. What an unbelievable mess and that’s before you deal with a sexed up ridiculous (and super ugly) Harley Quinn and a skinny younger – looks nothing like her old self in any of the ways that matter – Amanda Waller.  ULTIMATE FAIL.

STATIC SHOCK 8.  Fantastic cover.  Very smart.  Too bad the book wasn’t good and is now canceled.  I’m going to freak out the first time I hear “There’s not more diversity in our books because when we do that you guys don’t buy the books – just look at Static Shock…”  Here’s the answer guys…MAKE BETTER BOOKS.  This book didn’t fail because fans don’t want to read a book with a black lead, it failed because IT WAS NOT GOOD.

SUPERBOY 8.  Hey! It’s Grunge!  Is it wrong that I find hm infinitely more interesting than Superboy?  All that said, this cover is pretty unimpressive.

SWAMP THING 8.  Hard to judge with such a big image blacked out.  :(

TEEN TITANS 8.  And I thought last month’s cover had lots of lines.  Here we go LINE-TASTIC!  Not only are people wearing Tron shit, but the floor is gridded (also Tron style I guess) and then the “sky” is arbitrarily filled with lines.  Oh wait, this is by Brett Line-tastic Booth.  Questions answered then!

UNWRITTEN 36.  Fucking unbelievably fantastic.  This is PERFECT.  I love where the price information is even.  So smart and beautifully designed.

DOMINIQUE LAVEAU, VOODOO CHILD 2.  Man, this puts “that other Voodoo book” to shame.  So visually interesting, great graphics…it’s Rafael Grampa, so no real surprise there.  So wish this was the regular Voodoo book, much more interesting!

VOODOO 8.  Yikes.  I have no earthly idea what is going on here, except that they are fighting in one of those magical no background backgrounds.  And possibly there’s a giant lava lamp in there with them.

WONDER WOMAN 8.  SO MUCH LOVE FOR THIS!  SO MUCH!  Really fantastic.  I know a lot of people have a problem with the guns…first and foremost they’re “Eros Guns” (hence the heart shaped firing effects)…but for me, I wouldn’t have a problem with a gun period.  Diana is a very pragmatic character.  One of my favorite things about her is that she is willing to do what it takes to get the job (i.e. Justice) done…even when it may not be popular.  Whether this means blinding herself, or freeing female prisoners and letting them exact their own justice, snapping a killer’s neck, or shooting bullets.  Diana is not “politically correct”…she has her beliefs and she’s adamant about them.  It’s one of the best things about her.

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  1. ross’s avatar

    >”might as well be white judging by her facial features – Amanda Waller.”
    i get what you mean, same sort of deal as Storm, but careful, that’s a slippery slope you’re on there. ;)

    that said, is Grunge white now? XD

  2. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @ross: yes, you’re right. I’ll edit it. ah the lack of nuance of drunk solicits.

  3. Alliendw700’s avatar

    Seems like each time I visit your blog is for correct you in something so first I’m going to say that I love your Drunk solicits covers but That isn’t Shade the changing man, he is just The Shade. is kind of silly that DC put Two characters with the same name.

    And I’m sure that Hawk is standing with his legs that far apart so Rob, does not have to draw his foots

  4. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @Alliendw700: Right you are on Shade – corrected!

    And a “Haha” to your Hawk comment.

  5. Jeff Harris (@nemalki)’s avatar

    “Here’s the answer guys…MAKE BETTER BOOKS. This book didn’t fail because fans don’t want to read a book with a black lead, it failed because IT WAS NOT GOOD.”

    I really wanted to see what Marc Bernadin was going to do for Static Shock. He was going to be the new writer on the series starting with issue #7 which would have started a new direction for the series. But they only let him write two issues before they scrapped it altogether. We didn’t even get to see how his issues were going to be and if they could really make or break the title. They just blew it. And not only that, the last couple of issues are going to be short-ordered by the few comic shops that actually carried them (there’s a lot of comic shops that simply wouldn’t put the book in their shops period) that many probably won’t even get a chance to get them at all.

    DC really didn’t want Static Shock to succeed, and if John Rozum is to be believed, they didn’t even want to try, which is a damned shame in anybody’s eyes.

  6. Alliendw700’s avatar

    Now I’m ashamed because I wrote foots instead of feet, but anyways you have your excuse (you were drunk) and I have mine, English is not my native language. ; )

  7. Mitchell Craig’s avatar

    Why is Superman taller than Wonder Woman on the cover of Justice League 8?

    Wellllllll…he’s either levitating himself or the lazy sod is standing on a box.

  8. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @Jeff Harris: Given what’s been coming out via John Rozum on Static Shock, no writer would have had much of a chance…too bad. Hopefully it’s not too long before Static gets another shot. I thought the first issue had a lot of potential.

    @Alliendw700: No worrries

    @Mitchell Craig: haha…standing on a box. Wish I’d thought of that! :)

  9. Rae’s avatar

    Ah, I always love to read your drunk cover solicits :) But one question: Is there a reason Batman #8 is missing? Or Batwing or Action Comics?

    Would have loved to read your opinion about those.

  10. altonncf (@altonncf)’s avatar

    Felt like that interview with the Static author this week about getting steamrolled by the artist and saying that DC didn’t want Static to fail was kind of crap. I know Quesada and Didio get some shit micromanaging, but to not know about that kind of disconnect between creators is simply inexcusable. Something tells me if the writers of Superman were having that kind of a problem it would have been resolved before the series was needed to be cancelled

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