April 2013 Marvel Drunk Cover Solicits In Three Sentences Or Less…

Here are the “rules“.

If you’d like to see the full Marvel April Cover Solicits head on over to CBR.

Honestly, yet again these are more good than bad, and thus, not particularly funny…but I’ll try my best.

AGE OF ULTRON 5. Nice Alan Davis – and when I say Davis I of course mean BRYAN HITCH – team cover. I love that there are four ladies on this cover and none of them are wearing anything ridiculous.


AGE OF ULTRON 6 VARIANT. Yeah, that’s original, Wolvie tearing through something.

Just kidding, I was being mean (it’s the drink, I swear!) this is actually great – execution is really good.

ALPHA. Nice composition and color choices on this one. I certainly prefer it to “crazy eyes” and “broken back” of last month.

ALL NEW X-MEN 9. Fantastic illustration work, and I love the color choices. It’s also a great example of a cover that could have easily fallen into that typical male gaze POV on a character that works thanks to the perfect execution.

A+X 7. Do they make giant Thing-sized playing cards?

Gorgeous illustration though, wonderful lights and darks.

AVENGERS 9. Dude’s got some power, yo?

AVENGERS 10. So I hate SOOOO much about this. Float-y figures, torso-only figures, no background backgrounds, etc. HOWEVER, I will give it points for using the silhouette well – where it chooses to show the background or not is actually quite interesting. Still not a win, but could have been so much worse.

AVENGERS ARENA 7. Less interesting than some of the others have been, but still nice and the limited color palette is great.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE 14. I’m into this. Really great limited color palette and lovely lights and darks. But does that helmet at her feet belong to the guy that looks like he never had a head…or that is now flat as a pancake…? A bit confusing to me.

CABLE & X-FORCE 7. Fucking creepy. Effective though. I’ll have to check, but I feel like this is not “on model” when it comes to Cyclop’s badass new costume though…and I do not like.

CAPTAIN AMERICA 6. I’m generally not a fan of JRJR’s work (I know, I know, everyone calm down) but I kind of love this. The effect of the rain, the colors, the simplicity. I’m into it.

CAPTAIN MARVEL 12. Oh man. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS! The simple joy of it, the colors, EVERYTHING!

DARE DEVIL 25. Gorgeous stuff. I ADORE the integration of not only the title text but the “marvel now” tag. Fucking brilliant.

DARE DEVIL END OF DAYS 7. Hrm. See last month.

Gorgeous illustration, not loving the exploitative nature of it though. Also, though I love some gorgeous boobs as much as the next chick, I can’t stop seeing these boobs as an ass…is anyone else having that problem?

FEARLESS DEFENDERS 3. Love the attitude of this. Definitely my favorite yet of the FD covers. It’s still a bit busy for my personal tastes, but I like it. The title integration is great too…do you think it’s ALSO going to have to have a big ugly title? :/

FEARLESS DEFENDERS 3 Variant. Nice illustration in general, but it doesn’t have the verve of the other cover.

DEADPOOL KILLUSTRATED 4. Fucking great. It’s my least favorite thus far, but that’s like being forced to pick one least brilliant of four brilliant children. Tough call.

DEADPOOL 8. Awesome. Love the white space and detail on the van. Great illustration work…not so sure about the circle shadow though…does that make sense?

DARK AVENGERS 189. Great reversal. Great illustration. Gods, these covers are making me so happy so far. Marvel loves me, you guys!

FANTASTIC FOUR 6. Me likey. Bold use of white. I like that it’s really committed to the simplicity.

FANTASTIC FOUR 7. Ditto to this one, but with a nice reversal. Great composition, simple and clean and smart.

FANTASTIC FOUR 6. I still really dislike this whole “Thing suit” thing, it just seems ridic. But this is a great fucking cover. Wonderful repetition and expressions. Good composition and colors.

FURY MAX 11. Again, clean and smart. Great simple graphic images, and clever colors.

GAMBIT 10. Oy. Joelle’s fucking bikini makes me want to SMASH. KELLY SMASH STUPID JOELLE BATHING SUIT!!!

GAMBIT 11. This is on the cheesy side, but it totally appeals to 16-year old Kelly. I could do without the stupid fucking Rogue cowboy boots, but otherwise it definitely feels like a great “good ol’ days” moment in time for Gambit and Rogue and FUCK THAT BITCH THAT WANTS TO MESS THINGS UP..Ahem…I mean…I guess we’ll see what Joelle thinks she’s going to do about that. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2. Very nice composition, and I love her armor. Also the background is very clever if you look closely. Really misty and obscured, but with Earth back there…good stuff.

HAWKEYE 10. Stunning. But my favorite thing about this, is that this cover is both quintessentially Francavilla, but also quintessential Hawkeye, even though those might not have necessarily gone together, Francavilla has bent his style just enough to fit perfectly with Hawkeye and Hawkeye has given just enough in style to make this work effortlessly.

I love the fucking thought that is clearly going into this book.

JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY 651. You guys know I generally hate “reflection covers” but I think we can all agree this is motherfucking badass. A gold floating wolfhead in space with all our heroes reflected in it??? WTF??? And by WTF, I mean WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AWESOMENESS?!?

MORBIUS 4. Nice use of red, but it kind of makes me want to gag how it’s all in his hipster facial hair. Hakughgag!

NEW AVENGERS 2005. Very simple, very cool.

NEW AVENGERS 5 Variant. That’s a whole lotta planets.

NOVA 3 Variant. Nice, but not as cool as the first two.

SAVAGE WOLVERINE 4. Yeah, still not for me. Moving on.

RED SHE-HULK 64. Very nice. Love the colors, fantastic composition.

THUNDERBOLTS 8. Man, that gaping green circle in the front of that thing is freaking me out.

THANOS RISING 1. Great detail, nice composition, good colors.

THANOS RISING 1. Again, nice composition, nice colors.

ULTRON 1 AU.  I have no idea what the “AU” is but this is cool. Love the x-ray effect.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN 22. Sufficiently scary. Especially if I was Miles’ age. He’s like 13 or 14, right? Yeah, nightmares, man.

ULTIMATE COMICS X-MEN 25. Very zen. I dig it.

ULTIMATE COMICS WOLVERINE 2. Conflicted. There’s a lot to like here including the colors and use of o1 as the background/graphic elements. But I kind of loathe the positioning of Wolverine’s claws.

UNCANNY X-MEN 4.  Okay, let’s be clear, this is 100 kinds of badass. And because it looks awesome (and is almost impossible) I actually love the more than thigh highs and short shorts. However – and forgive me Mr. Bachalo, you know how I adore all you do – but I think this costume would look better without the bare midriff and without the boob hole. Neither are the end of the world, but they just make the design more fussy than it needs to be, and adds to the impracticality.

Still, LOVE.

Color, composition, style, everything. So goddamn good.

UNCANNY X-FORCE 4 Variant. Guess it truly is the end of Scott “Slim” Summers, yeah?  Nice colors on this. Great light and dark contrasts.

UNCANNY X-FORCE 4. Love it. Love it ALL. The colors, the composition, the contrast between the graphic background elements and colors and the simple black/white costumes. Gorgeous. Kris Anka…will you please draw my (next) comic book? Pretty pretty please????

VENOM 34. Fun and also terrifying. Which let’s face it, is a weird combo.

WOLVERINE 2. Oh man, that kid is going to geeeeeeetttt it.

WOLVERINE & THE X-MEN 28. Gorgeous illustration, great simple color palette, composition, all of it. I’m also super curious what this issue is about…you?

WOLVERINE MAX 6. This is clever and interesting. Great colors.

WOLVERINE & THE X-MEN 27 AU. Again, no idea what the AU means. This is a neat idea, but not exactly blazing new ground. Decent execution.

WINTER SOLDIER 7. Nice. Deceptively complex considering the limited color palette.  I’m into it.

X-MEN 1. I mean, you all know how I feel about this, right? I’ll just link you to this.


X-MEN 1 Variant. I appreciate the “boob restraint” Terry Dodson has used here. Well, on everyone except Storm. The Storm costume is a bit low cut and I don’t know why Kitty’s costume is pink, but it’s still a nice illustration. Don’t love the lack of background.

X-MEN LEGACY 9. Another fucking brilliant Legacy cover from Mike Del Mundo. This book is really bad (IMO) but man did they get lucky with these Del Mundo covers.

YOUNG AVENGERS 4. Love it. Love it. Love it. So smart and simple and gorgeous. But you guys already knew this right?

Another REALLY strong month for Marvel. I’m going to have re-think how I do these cover solicits, kids.

Tags: , ,


  1. Caanan’s avatar

    I picked up Young Avengers 1 the other day based on your raving about it, Kelly. It’s not bad at all! Superhero comics are still a vast wasteland of “commerce over content” but it’s nice to see some small beacons of hope. (Which is why I’ve stuck with Ultimate Spider-Man all this time, since Marvel pretty much let Bendis do whatever he wants. A singular authorial voice is rare in this day and age, of course.)

    Also, AU probably stands for Age of Ultron.

  2. JH Statts (@stattshimself)’s avatar

    Wow. I’m loving the style of WOLVERINE & THE X-MEN 28. Splendid. Agree on most all, again.

  3. @zombieundergrnd’s avatar

    Like the skull and Man-Thing images on the Savage Wolverine cover, but the rest doesn’t do much for me.
    Bianchi’s cover to Thanos Rising looks great.
    That sword on Uncanny X-Men is crazy big.
    The cover to Wolverine and the X-Men 28 does indeed look fantastic.
    As Caanan mentioned above, AU likely does stand for Age of Ultron. But then how stupid is the title for Ultron AU.

  4. Pam’s avatar

    JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY 651 – I haven’t read it (as I’m in my last semester of grad school and have no time for a life) but I wonder if the wolf is supposed to be the wolf Fenrir. Of course I may just known much about Norse mythology and am reading to much into the cover.


  5. Keith Bowden’s avatar

    Ultron looks golden… Maybe it’s a double meaning, “Age of Ultron” and gold (Au).

  6. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    @Caanan: Age of Ultron = AU…I blame my idiocy on dead brain cells from too much drink. :) So glad you liked YA.

    @JH Stratts: Thanks! :)

    @zombieundergrnd: That sword on Uncanny X-Men is AH-MAZING.

    @Pam: Yeah, I think Fenrir is a fair bet.

    @Keith: Right you are, sir.

  7. Jake’s avatar

    I think the “AU” is there so you know it’s part of the Age of Ultron event.

Comments are now closed.