big big big love

in honor of the renewal of big love for a third season and the impossibly intense episode from last night (7/30/07) i decided to write a little about this big show.  sorry for the pun.

i am a HUGE Big Love fan.  i fully believe it to be one of the best shows on television now, and possibly ever (competing in the drama category for that title would be The West Wing, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under…i’m sure there are more).  i recently got into a pseudo debate with co-workers who aren’t watching it and apparently gave up on it early in season one.  i can understand why it doesn’t appeal to everyone, but we did get into a little mini-argue-rant thing because they are huge fans of Entourage.  i watch Entourage as well, and i enjoy it, but there is just not a lot there and it is certainly not comparable to Big Love…if you want to compare it to something compare it to the brilliant Flight of the Conchords (which is totally kicking Entourage’s ass in the comedy department if you ask me – which you didn’t).  everything on Entourage is neatly summed up in a quick little half hour and if there is ever any conflict in an episode it rarely lasts more than the single episode’s twenty eight minutes.  and when i say conflict i mean things like not getting laid, or potentially missing out on a blowjob or rimjob, or losing a 5k bet about who can sleep with a woman without emotional attachment in one day, or a character’s son maybe not making it into some posh private school (which is scarily the most “moral” and least ridiculous of the “conflicts”), or heaven forbid a million dollar movie hangs in the balance (for about five minutes).  listen, i’m not trying to whine about the show.  it’s good, it’s fun.  but it’s the fluff i watch on demand AFTER i watch Big Love so that i can go to sleep peacefully without worrying about my Big Love characters. 

here’s what is so great about Big Love.  the characters are not only beautifully played by a really talented crew (i’ve never liked Bill Paxton more in my life) but they are also beautifully developed, all interesting and different and realistic in terms of how a family functions.  as far as the story goes, for anyone who doesn’t already know, it is about a polygamist man and his three wives and many (7?) children all living next to each other in three houses (whose backyards kind of neatly combine together) in Sandy Utah.  i consider myself a feminist.  you would think i would hate any show where a man not only so arrogantly has three wives, but more arrogantly thinks he is man enough to be enough for three women, but what is so brilliant about this show, is that i DO believe it.  it is so well written and thoughtful that i find myself empathizing with these characters in a way i would not have thought possible, and much to my surprise, in a recent episode, even considering how advanced their family is in some ways to my restricted and shockingly conservative thinking.  let me explain.  in a recent episode Margene’s (Ginnifer Goodwin) mother Virginia (played nicely by Bonnie Bedelia) visits and discovers that her daughter is a polygamist.  The episode is fraught with tension and eventually Virginia (an out of work waitress from Nevada) gets drunk and makes a pass at Bill (the husband) and then confesses to Margene that she has it really good and that she should never let another wife (a fourth – which has been much discussed this season) come in, because that wife will likely be new and younger and possibly more attractive.  Virginia goes on to tell her daughter that she is in the “cat bird seat”…and you can see that the mother really believes it.  Margene obviously does not believe it, she just believes she is in a loving relationship with four people, but you can see the confusion in her eyes when her mother says this and you can even see some doubt creep in, but you hope for her sake, and the sake of her family, that she can continue to hold on to the reality, which is that though the relationship is fraught with problems (like ANY relationship) it is essentially good, and about love and compassion and family and not about anything depraved or creepy, as most people, myself included, would assume polygamy to be.  my concern durning this episode was that i found myself relating to Virgina and not to Margene.  here i’m thinking to myself, “Margene – listen to your out of work miserable drunk failure of a mother, because she knows what she’s talking about – you’re the young pretty new one right now, don’t give that away!”  obviously, i’m nuts.  it honestly gave me pause to realize that i was relating to Virginia, rather than Margene, and let me tell you, i’ve been thinking about it ever since.  when a television show makes you think about it for weeks on end and really more importantly, think about yourself, i think it’s doing something pretty impressive. 

also of note, is the fact that i lived in Utah from the age of 13 until 17, and again for a year when i was 20.   My family still lives there and so i go back frequently, including this coming weekend for my younger brother’s wedding.  i find the show to be pretty damn accurate.  i was not good friends with anyone that lived in a polygamist household, so i don’t know how realistic Bill/Barb/Nikki/Margene and their children are, i like to think it’s very realisitc, but i just don’t know.  however, the things i do know about Utah and about Mormons and about Polygamy are pretty dead on accurate in this show, which is pretty impressive, because it’s a complicated pot. 

this is a damn fine show and i’m proud of HBO for renewing it, and i’m proud of such amazing actors (that could easily be doing something easier and possibly “bigger”)  for sticking with it, i like to think the show’s brilliance is what keeps them coming back.  it is definitely what will keep me coming back. 

HBO has finally SLIGHTLY redeemed itself for not only cancelling Carnivale, but for pretending that “the show naturally wrapped up” – it practically ended on a cliffhanger…i have not been pleased with them for a long time.  i’m glad they’ve given me reason to be pleased with them again.

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7 comments

  1. billyz’s avatar

    i am in 100% agreement with you. the show is amazing! teresa and i watch it religiously (ha pun!). two episodes ago, we both decided that it’s the BEST drama on tv right now.

    here are two thoughts i had. first, the characters are great communicators when they need/want to be. it’s like anti-sit-com dialog. when the characters put something on the line, it’s so crisp and clear, it’s like there can be no misunderstanding. here is the drama and the other character is going to have to deal with the full brunt of of.

    tangent: i love the new inbred clan and the fact that the older Green dictates his telephone conversations as if to a type writer (full stop). i also love that everyone in the family is showing their religious beliefs and that’s creeping me out even more than the Greens.

    second, i feel that the reveal of the real drama/dirt of our beloved protagonist family this season was at the perfect time. right after we thought they were perfect and fell in love with them. 😉

    my two main issues with the show are that i want/need to know more about the start of Bill’s polygamist life and the cancer, and how Margie got involved. it’s like we need a prequel. if the writers are as smart as i believe they are, they’ll give that to us next season. my biggest problem right now though is that they’re not giving us enough about why/how Bill is keeping the new business from his wives.

    anyway, the only show that can compete with this in my mind is Battlestar Galactica. if you haven’t started watching that yet. do it today! start with the mini series.

  2. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    i have been thinking about Galactica a lot lately, but now that it has been cancelled i notice i am less motivated to get involved. i watched a few early on and saw things i really liked and a few i really didn’t like, but i’ve heard a lot of good things since then and really was going to try to catch up and give it a shot. again, now, less motivated.

    thanks for reading :)

    tangent: the stuff with the greenes is brilliant (and scary). the stuff about a fourth wife pisses me off (again my feminist side bristling) but is interesting. the way bill is playing everyone off of everyone else – brilliant – but oh so bad for my nerves…i don’t know how he has the “ability” to sleep with one wife, let alone three with all the upsetting stuff he’s gotten himself into…

  3. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    oh hey…i forgot to say something about the “prequel” thing you mentioned about big love. did you see the three mini-prequels they did for big love this season? they weren’t much, all under five minutes i think, but they were still interesting. there were three of them and they’re available with HBO on demand i think still. anyway, the writers definitely agree with you about exploring the history of all this. i hope they’ll do more next season, because it is all just fascinating material just waiting to be mined…

  4. Brooke Gardner’s avatar

    Love this show! I too wonder how, with my feminist principles, can I possibly sympathize with the characters – but I do. Although, I have to say those characters living “off the compound” are much more palatable and dare I say acceptable. I mean why not, it only gets creepy when Bill is put on his religious pedastal – the religious stuff is way more offensive to me than the multiple wives. BTW – how much do you hate Rhonda?

  5. 1979semifinalist’s avatar

    rhonda is going down as about one of my most hated characters in all of television history. she is just out of control. she’s got some pipes on her though.

    the religious stuff, especially with my background is WAY more offensive to me than the extra wives thing.

    i’m just suprised how much the show has challenged what i think about love and commitment. i mean the people involved in the relationship are all there out of only love and commitment and the best of intentions (well maybe not barb who i of course identify most with) but i just am forced to realize that my jealousy and insecurity could never handle a relationship like that, and that in a very weird way that is totally wrong of me and closed minded. i’m shocked that i feel this way, which is completely the mark of a great show, right?

  6. Brooke Gardner’s avatar

    They all have jealousy issues though – they just wrap what they are doing in a nice big bow and try to look the other way claiming that they are all committed to one another. I think Margene’s character is probably the most interesting because she wasn’t brought up “living the Principle” so it is very interesting that she is the one who seems to embrace this lifestyle the most – sister wives, sharing Bill, acquiring the fourth wife, etc. For her, after living a “hedonistic” lifestyle this new way of living seems to be almost comforting to her. Barb just has issues – why she would ever agree to it is beyond me and Nikki is just a lunatic. And poor Barb is loosing what she thinks is rightfully hers as first wife – CONTROL. Can’t wait to see what happens next (but don’t get too excited I still know it’s not real)

  7. Lue Lyron’s avatar

    I’ve known some real-life multiple partner relationships, but haven’t seen any work out as yet. I know what I’m writing will feature the two women involved with each other as well, so there is more of a triangle rather than an andro-centric approach. I was bold enough to believe for a shining moment…alas. If you change the way you treat the first person/spouse and don’t depend on their judgement/attraction, no additions could possibly work out. Falling in love and discovering this possibility can make two people unusually close, I’m happy to report; that is more than consolation to other paths left abandoned.
    I’m sure other cultures have a decidedly different (and maybe practically-oriented) take; I visit one in my “Love” short story up on my blog now.

    Might be worth checking this show out on strength of your recommendation, at last. I wasn’t sure I’d go for all the relationships being balanced on the man, sexually, though I’m sure for pragmatic reasons poly-groups rely on cooperation; it takes a village, as one famous Sec. of State says.

    I couldn’t find a way to mail your apparently immensely popular site, and I’m shyly asking you to consider adding me to your blogroll in this out-of-scrutiny place, as self-promotion is necessary but embarrassing to anyone interested in investing selfless praise at the same time. Sometimes writers check old posts’ comments, so I took a chance here, for now.

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