I spend a lot of time thinking about this thing “getting hit on”. It’s an odd thing. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind the obvious compliment that it is, in a way, but it also often makes me (and I’m sure other women) uncomfortable. And I also don’t really understand what the point is. Do men really think a woman is going to respond to “mmm. you are hotttt.” I mean, even if we wanted to respond, what on earth would we say? What are men hoping we’ll say? Are they just saying it for themselves? Is it a power play? Is it to make them feel like real men…to validate themselves in some way and it has nothing to do with us? Is it because they’re desperately hoping for a date and have no idea how to go about getting one (hint, gentlemen this is NOT the way). The whole thing confuses the hell out of me.
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Brutal honesty time (Adam, please don’t use your kung-fu grip on me).
I have no idea how “hot” you are. Without photographic evidence it’s hard to determine that. But based on the fact that you’ve been hit on frequently, that you live in NYC, and that your comic is a fair representation of you, I’ll assume there is a “hottness cloud” floating around you.
Further, I’ll extrapolate that based on these facts, you are statistically more likely to be hit on in the city. Just the sheer numbers prove that.
More people = more creeps = more “hits”
Now, myself, personally, I wouldn’t hit on you. It’s not my style. I’m shy (despite how extroverted I am online) and am more likely to stare at your body than say anything beyond “Uhhh……” When it comes to women, I’m often at a loss for words. And the prettier you are is inversely proportional to the number of words I have for you.
Now, staring does have some risks. While I may be able to stare at your rear without you knowing about it, I do need to be watchful for those boyfriends that like to smash faces for leering looks from creeps like me. And my wife doesn’t appreciate it either. We may laugh at someone who is nearly falling out of her top, but open ogling is certainly frowned upon.
When I was single, all those years ago, I would openly stare. I was young and felt invincible, so the boyfriends didn’t scare me. But I never picked up girls that way. I think they felt like I was some amateur OB doctor trying to give them a check-up with my X-ray vision. Those girls I talked to I had much better luck getting into their…..lives.
Maybe other men have discovered that hitting on a woman gives them a better chance than staring. Maybe they’re playing the odds and hoping you’ll be fast and easy, where a pick-up line would serve as the first and second date. Maybe they’re just overly appreciative of the female form. Kind of like an architectural student who sees Falling Water the first time and exclaims “Wow, look at the windows on you” without knowing what they’re saying. Kind of like going to the fireworks and everyone says “oohh” and “aaahhh.”
While I’m admittedly a dirty old man (yes, I feel old at 31), I don’t think I could ever hit on a woman, even if I were single. Sure, I might like to see them all naked in bed with me, but I’d have a hard time getting past saying hello.
See. Extroverted online. Introverted in person.
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Hmm. How to respond to this comment without seeming either arrogant or overly self-depricating.
I guess I would say that I am pretty but not thin. Never have been thin, never will be thin. I have been thinNER and when I was I did get hit on even more frequently than now, but I’m always surprised that I get hit on at all now, when I don’t feel so good about my non-thinness (is that a word? I think not). I have often been called sexy, despite my size. I think it shocks me as much as it shocks others, but I think we can all agree that certain people have almost intangible sexual qualities that draw us to them…but I think that has a lot to do with what individuals are attracted to…we ALL have different tastes. So while I may be sexy and have that “sexual quality” to some, I’m sure I’m hideous to others.
I think in my case, and maybe in many people’s cases it is less an actual attractiveness or hotness factor and more about a type. I tend to get hit on a lot by men of color, I think because they seem to appreciate my “type” – i.e. pretty-ish face, great hair, and big T&A. It’s the same with Adam I think, though he’d deny it. He gets hit on, though not in the same way, because women tend not to behave the way men do, and when he does I think it has a lot to do with women being really into Adam’s “type” – shaved head, facial hair, big, tall, strong, ex-football player looking type.
As for the comic I think I draw myself thinner than I probably am these days… whether that is just wishful thinking or habit, or because it just looks better from a cartooning standpoint, or a combination of all three I’m not sure.
Suffice to say I rarely get hit on when Adam is standing next to me for the exact reasons you mention above. He looks scary and nobody wants to tangle with him just to stare at my ass, it is decidedly not worth it.
I think it’s good that you don’t think you could hit on a woman successfully if you were single…because I think the percentage of men that this works out for is insanely small. And if a woman responds to the inane things men say to us, I have to wonder about her a little bit too…I mean what is wrong with her that she’s desperate enough to respond to “you are so hotttt” with a date, or a fuck, or anything other than a slightly uncomfortable, “uh, thanks.”
It’s interesting to hear what you think about this…and while you added insight, in some ways you seem as confused as I am, which kinda makes me feel better about the whole bizarre question.
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– A woman who responds positively to the “you are so hottt” definitely has suspect morals, brains, or both.
– I think everyone we see as a non-ass or non-jerk has issues with their self-image. Those confident enough about their bodies tend to be seen as the asses and jerks around us. I was thin once. It was great. i even had a tan and some muscle tone. But that was when I would run 5 miles a day 5 days a week and think it was cool. No I’d only run that much to get away from zombies.
– You look fine in the comic, thin or not. But I’ll have to say Adam looks better than you draw him (well, based on the photo at least).
– I hate stereotypes, but we all fit into them somehow. And I think the “men of color” stereotype do lean toward the “large T&A” stereotype.
– Yes, we all have our own sexual preferences, fantasies, and needs.
– Seeing as hair is one of your good qualities, do you think different hairstyles would change the amount of “hits” you’d get? Like would a baseball hat cover it enough to prevent these scenarios?And on that note, I see you as Annnette (Polly Walker) in Patriot Games (the red haired lady in a baseball hat driving the Jeep).
PS – I hate hour and a half meetings on the phone. Way to freaking long.
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It’s true that lots of men hit on women all the time, almost any women, and as you say, it’s not going to work if they want to actually strike up a relationship with you. That being said, sometimes men simply notice a striking woman and feel the need to say so. It’s like: “I’m not single,” or “I know I wouldn’t have a chance with you,” but, “I just have to tell you how utterly, devastatingly attractive you are; if we were ever to be in a situation where we could be together, I’m there.”
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First, kudos to TK for using the word “extrapolate.” That’s awesome.
Second, I’ve never hit on a woman in public before ever. My smooth moves involve shyly talking to this girl, more shy talking for many many many months, and then maybe dropping a hint. Yes, watch out ladies. P-man is on the scene.
Third, I don’t think getting “hit on” has as much to do with the female half of the equation. This is all about the men. These types are usually confident/arrogant, looking for attention, or just feel the need to say things openly. They look for targets, and pretty girls usually end up like so. You can keep thinking about this, but I don’t know if any solid conclusions will come up. Even I’m not sure of the whys and whats of the situation.
That said, knowing that Adam can stop at any minute to do “The Robot,” I’d be less frightened to hit on you in front of him. Thankfully, not all of NY knows his dark secrets… 😛
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TK42ONE: It’s clear we could go on all day…but I think both of us…and whoever else might be reading along have learned something today…and knowing is half the battle…! GI JOE!
tmulcahy: Thanks for commenting – and especially for the nice compliments that ended up coming along with it.
Paul: The fact that Adam can stop at any moment and do “the robot” should make you even MORE afraid of him…think how impressive that is! And manly – just like Project Runway!
I think you’re probably pretty right about the “whys” having more to do with the man doing the hitting than the woman getting the hitting…which really just brings us back around to the reality that nobody can really explain this…certainly not any of us.
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Oh well, please don’t ever refer to yourself as the “P-Man” again.
“or anything other than a slightly uncomfortable, ‘uh, thanks.'”
On those rare occasions when compliments are thrown my way that is my mumbled response as I quickly away, far, far away.
I think all of the decent guys out there know that hitting on women like that does not work (unless, as TK said, the woman is suspect.)
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It’s the ass.
Also, for the record the line I used to pick Kelly up was “you are so hottt”.
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Trina: I think the “P-Man” is hilarious – no?
I tend to agree with you here, and while it’s nice in a way to get the compliments, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t mumble a thank you (if anything) and scurry away quickly.
Adam: Why thank you. I know that has long been your position.
And you WISH you picked me up. If had been up to you taking action we’d still be just be “pals”
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I was never the guy that hit on girls either. I’d like to think its because I’m an elevated being that respects women enough not to try something this forward and, really, vile. However, sadly, I think in my case it had more to do with knowing that the odds of success for me in this type of endeavor was sooo low that it wasn’t worth the effort. We Thompson’s are known for our laziness, especially if we see low probability of success.
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You are TOTALLY an elevated being
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