· craptastic

#45 Comic of the Day

December 26, 2007 in comic of the day, comics, craptastic, religion | 4 comments

Okay, let’s be real clear, before people start throwing tomatoes at me. I have no problem with people being religious and I have no problem with faith. One of the great things about this country (there are a few great things left – I think/hope) is that we can all decide what we believe. And just because I have chosen to be an athiest does not mean I do not respect other people’s choices to have faith. We all go through things in our lives that lead us down certain paths, when I’m feeling all “destiny-y” I like to think we end up on those paths for specific reasons. To be completely honest I am often envious of the faith other people have, and the first time that I lose someone heartbreakingly critical to my life, I’m sure I am going to wish more than anything that I believed in God, because I have seen that faith be an unbelievable source of comfort and strength to others and I don’t know where I’m going to get that kind of strength and comfort without faith.

So this comic is NOT about disrespecting religion…no matter what that religion may be.

What this comic IS about, is my frustration and anger at the machine that has become organized religion. Religion that thinks itself arrogant enough to tell its followers what to think, what to watch, and how to react to things. A religion should be confident enough in the faith and intelligence of its people that it can let them make up their own minds about what they like. I have a very low tolerance for what large organized religion has become, which is basically yet another version of corrupt corporate America. And I do believe that the machine that is corporate America and the machine that organized religion has become are on both sides more corrupt than any of us know or would be comfortable with.

We’re all smart enough to be educating ourselves and making up our own minds without hitler-esque entities coming in and telling us what to do.

That will still probably make some of you mad. Hopefully not those of you that are actual “devoted readers” of my blog

Anyway, I know it seems like poor timing for an “anti-organized religion” post, but strangely to me, it seemed like exactly the right time.

#43 Comic of the Day

December 24, 2007 in comic of the day, comics, craptastic, holidays | 2 comments

Several people won multiple years in a row, the IT guy, a really great guy, won a the major prize last year (ironically, a computer) and then again this year won an Ipod Nano. The receptionist, a really great girl, won a stereo last year and a digital camera this year. I don’t think anyone really minded about those duplicate wins. But when an exec, one of the highest paid people at a company wins four years in a row and doesn’t turn down the prize any of those years? People start to get grumbly.

Sadly I have never won. In fact only one person has ever won from our little sister company and that was a guest of one of our staff, he won an ipod shuffle last year. It was exciting to feel we were even getting remotely close to being able to win…

#37 Comic of the Day

December 14, 2007 in comic of the day, comics, craptastic, family, the world gone mad | 6 comments

I can’t really even believe this news. It’s just disgusting. I’m sure The Count will be out soon for being a VAMPIRE. And Big Bird will be out soon for being too tall and too yellow, and Grover will be out for kind of being an idiot (though one of my favorites), Bert and Ernie will surely be elimintated for being obviously gay, and if not obviously gay then possibly gay…which is of course just as horrible. I think we should all try (except comedians perhaps…we need something to be okay to be funny right?) to be as understanding and sympathetic and non-judgmental as possible in life…but Politically Correct has become a machine that just cannot be stopped. If there is ONE SINGLE FREAKING CHILD that has an eating disorder or I guess…”greediness” that can be traced to The Cookie Monster, and only the Cookie Monster, then I take all this back. But there is just NO WAY that is possible…it’s a freaking Muppet! Kids get their influences from all over the place and it’s more likely they are learning bad habits (oh my god the end of the world) from home and parents than from a muppet that doesn’t even exist.

Read more about all this nonesense here. And Gillian Anderson…I like you, but how dare you contribute to the removal of the Cookie Monster (in any way) by accepting the job hosting the new “improved” revamped Monsterpiece Theater sans the star.

An Open Letter To Advertisers Everywhere

December 12, 2007 in craptastic, rants | 2 comments

You want to know what I do with your inserts and “cardboard-like” pages in favorite magazines of mine?

I tear them out. That’s right, the first thing I do when I get a new magazine is furiously tear our all these little obstructions to my reading.

Guess what else? Sometimes I even look at what they are and make a mental note to NEVER buy that product or subscribe to that service etc. That’s right. I know it hurts…but it’s true. Also, you should know that I’m not alone in this. I know MANY people who do exactly the same thing. Maybe they’re not as angry and grumbly as me when they do it, but they do it. So I don’t know what your PR/Advertising/Marketing department is telling you, but they’re idiots. The “people” do not like you, or your methods.

You know what else we don’t like? The pop ups on our TV screens that interrupt the bottom third (sometimes bottom half) of the TV screen when we’re trying to watch a program. We especially don’t like this when we happen to be watching subtitled and cannot read what is happening on our program…or when god forbid there is actually something important going on in the bottom third of the screen – I know that seems crazy – CRAZY that the whole screen would actually be important, but it is…so you should know we’re pretty pissed about this new development. I know you’re all really frustrated because we’ve found a loophole in your ridiculous commercials scheme by buying things like Tivos and DVR’s and fast forwarding through all ad space, but you should know this, I don’t buy, watch, or support any show that advertise this way. It’s my only silent protest (slightly less silent now that I’m talking about it).

Okay, that’s all for today. Thanks for listening.

#33 Comic of the Day

December 10, 2007 in comic of the day, comics, craptastic, entertainment | 8 comments

This really was a horrible thing to happen…and I’m sorry it’s such a cryptic and annoying cartoon, I didn’t actually want to write/draw about it, but it was so present on my mind I really just couldn’t escape it. I’m shocked to find supposedly intelligent adults in the world who are so closed minded and hateful…and just horrible little people. I don’t know why I’m surprised, I should know better by now, but I suppose I am eternally naively hopeful that people will get a freaking clue and be better. I was an angry and sad emotional mess all weekend as a result of this event (lucky Adam!). What a waste.

Oh, and apologies for the especially piss poor art in today’s strip, my hand is still cramped from a weekend of addressing and writing work and personal holiday cards and my back is still sore making it difficult to sit and draw for too long at any one time. Now that some things have been cleared from my plate I’m hoping to do a better job…we’ll see.

#32 Comic of the Day

December 7, 2007 in comic of the day, comics, craptastic, holidays, technology | 5 comments

This is no exaggeration. We are (and by we I mean I) are doing about 200 handmade holiday cards for our office…and by handmade I mean the paper is handcut into 11×17 sheets from a larger watercolor sheet (35×50 I think) and then a beautiful drawing done by one of our (my) designers was scanned (supposedly color corrected) and will be printed onto these sheets, which will then be hand cut in half horizontally, then hand folded, then hand sealed with real wax (from an actual melting pot – I kid you not), then hand stuffed into envelopes, which I will have (by then) hand addressed and hand stamped with our name/address on the back flap with a rubber stamp and a custom designed postage stamp on the front (which has been the only easy and flawless part of the project thus far). Oh yeah, and I’m writing a short message inside to everyone. I am going INSANE.

Also, they’re supposed to go out by Tuesday…Wednesday at the latest. AH! I did handmade holiday cards last year for our office, but it was closer to 170, and the design and execution, though work intensive was much easier. They went over well, and we are a DESIGN firm, so we thought we should make the effort again this year (it’s good PR I hope). The card is much more impressive as an overall package this year and I’m more excited about the results however I’m currently feeling (especially with our color correction issues) that I have bitten off way more than is ever possible to chew. Ick.

Oh, and I also get to do my own personal cards this weekend…yea! And by “yea!”, I mean “by the love of god NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Sweet Valley High and Eating Disorders…Coincidence? I Think Not…

November 15, 2007 in books, craptastic, sweet valley high | 3 comments

I have discovered the most awesome blog of all time. Thank you Feministing!

The blog The Dairi Burger, run by the brilliant ihatewheat, is essentially a hilarious recap of the terrible old books that many of us (mostly women, but I’m sure there are a few boys out there as well) used to read as tweens. Specific to me on the blog are the Sweet Valley High Books (SVH) starring the Wakefield twins, Elizabeth and Jessica, which I ADORED, but which I see now are just horrible horrible things and it’s amazing that I escaped as unscathed as I am (though I am in therapy so perhaps my optimistic “I’m okay, I survived the bile that is SVH” is just a cover). Reading her recaps (and seeing copies of the books on her site, which is a surprisingly powerful memory jogger) you will remember everything you loved and then remember now all the horror, which as an adult you can now understand and appreciate, but which rolled past your tween eyes with frightening ease.

Regardless, the site is brilliant because ihatewheat manages to recap and ridicule, but with a great sense of humor, and keeping the anger and the “these books ruined my life feeling” to a minimum. If you read these books as a kid, I highly recommend you check out this site asap and become a devoted follower. A word to the wise, make sure you have some time on your hands, there are currently 42 SVH books reviewed on the site, and you will feel compelled to read every word.

I’m sure there would be rights/permissions issues, but considering the popularity of this blog (averaging around 900 hits a day) and the rabid fan base, ihatewheat would be smart to think about putting together a book deal based on her blog. I for one, would be first in line to purchase.

Here are some book covers to help jog your memory, it’s like I’m 10 again, but in an oh so bad way…

Let’s talk about civilization…

November 9, 2007 in craptastic, do's and don'ts, rants | Permalink

…and for once in the last week, I don’t mean Civilization 4 (we’ll leave that to the comic of the day). Why do people not know the societal rules that make everything easier on everyone else?

Does nobody remember “stay to the right and you’re always right”? While I shudder to use that phrase these days in fear that people will think the saying applies to my politics (it doesn’t) I feel compelled to use it after being forced to go around about 895 people (small exaggeration) this morning on my walk to work. If I had mostly been dodging immigrants or people who maybe grew up somewhere else, or whose parents grew up somewhere else then I could have a little more understanding, as perhaps in other countries there are other rules like “stay to the left and you’re always…hell I don’t know”…but the truth is I spent most of the morning dodging idiot white folk who I would bet good money were born and raised in the good ol’ US of A, just as their parents were.

How about this one…does anyone remember the rule about letting people OUT before you try to rush IN? Do people know that this applies to all scenarios? Elevator? Yes, let people out before you crowd in. Starbucks? let people out, especially women with giant strollers before you shove your way in. A subway car? Yes, let the people off first, so there is room for you to get on…and in this case maybe even get out of the freaking way so it is easier for the crowds to exit. Trust me, in the end I promise this will actually benefit YOU.

A woman fell all over herself this morning thanking me for opening the door to Starbucks for her and letting her and her ginormous Upper East Side stroller outside before I tried to get in. While it was nice to get a thank you, and I understand her shock, since I had to dodge my 895 people this morning, I literally would have had to push her and her child over to get in before letting her out. Given her immense thanks I’m thinking that very thing may have happened to her before.

While I’m at it, even though I haven’t driven a car in about six months, let’s talk about the PASSING LANE. Why do people not know that the left is a passing lane only when driving? It’s just like with the walking on the right on the sidewalk…you drive on the right, so that people who want to go faster than you can pass you on the left. If you pass someone though, that doesn’t mean you can assume that you are the “person who wants to drive the fastest on the entire road!”. You should move back to the right lane when there is an opportunity…because, and this I promise you, there IS someone else out there that will want to pass you too. Where are these people’s parents? Were they raised by wolves? How do people not know these rules. It just blows my mind.

And even if they were raised by wolves…didn’t they still have to take driver’s ed?

Okay. Rant, officially done. Thanks for listening.

Hey, maybe people aren’t as stupid as I think they are! Whoopee!

October 10, 2007 in craptastic, television reviews | 1 comment

There’s an article today about new television shows that are already “in trouble”. You can click below for the full article, but in a nutshell it says that the horrific Bionic Woman tops that list with a 28% drop off in young adult viewers (you can’t fool us with this crap!) and a 20% drop off in overall viewers…wait…I don’t even know if I’m young enough to be considered a “young adult viewer”…crap…what’s the cutoff? Regardless, here is a message Hollywood: “don’t be shocked people tuned in initially, we desperately wanted it to be good and you promoted the hell out of it, of course we tuned in to the first episode, but you made a steaming pile of dog crap and we’re not going to keep tuning in for that. LEARN A LESSON ALREADY!” geez.

Okay, I’m done.

http://www.usatoday.com/life/television/news/2007-10-09-fall-TV-trends_N.htm

don’t be fooled by this somewhat cool looking image, the show is prime suckage.

bionic woman…insert groan here

October 4, 2007 in craptastic, hollywood, pushing daisies, television reviews | 2 comments

So I watched a couple minutes of Bionic Woman last night with the idea that I would change the channel the first time it made me audibly groan. I actually don’t think I lasted a couple minutes. Maybe 90 seconds. Please don’t watch this show. It is just insulting to our collective intelligence and it encourages Hollywood to keep thinking of us as insipid idiots. TURN IT OFF…it is CRAPTASTIC…without the TASTIC part.

Here is something you should be watching though, Pushing Daisies. This looks to be a great show. It’s quirky and clever and has gorgeous production values…the world these characters live in his about 40% Tim Burton 30% Amelie and 30% real life and it works in beautiful harmony.

The story focuses on Ned, a piemaker and owner of The Piehole, who has a gift/curse to be able to touch someone and bring them back to life. However, if he ever touches them again they die instantly, never to be revived. There are also major consequences for bringing someone back, e.g. if he doesn’t touch them again and “re-kill” them within 60 seconds then someone in close proximity bites it.

This dynamic is set up in the first episode with Ned discovering his powers when his mother dies suddenly and when he touches her she is instantly brought back to life. Sixty seconds later, his neighbor Charlotte’s (Chuck) father drops dead. Then of course that evening when Ned’s mother tucks him and kisses him on the head she drops dead. So Ned and Chuck are separated, Ned shipped off to boarding school and Chuck raised by her quirky aunts. They share their first kiss at their mutual parents funerals, and never see eachother again, until now.

Now. A private eye discovers Ned’s “gift” and ropes him into a scheme in which they briefly re-animate corpses to find out who killed them and then collect the reward money and split it. This leads them to Ned’s childhood friend Chuck that has recently become deceased. Chuck does not know who killed her when she is re-animated, and then Ned of course cannot bear to “re-kill” her (unfortunately someone else has to die for this, but it’s a relatively “bad” guy which makes Ned feel better about things). Of course now, totally smitten with his childhood love (and she for him) they can never touch or she will instantly drop dead.

The Good: Despite all the “dead this and re-killing that” the show is not dark in the least, a credit to everyone on the show from the creators, set designers, writers, actors, and directors. The show is light and quirky and fun and likeable, largely due to the great cast a series of fairly new faces and great but almost forgotten faces. Anna Friel plays Chuck and has a giant credit list on IMDB, but I’ve never seen her in anything until now, and how sad that is for me because she is absolutely delightful. She brings a charm and innocence to the show that is completely infectious and never saccharine. Lee Pace plays Ned and he is a delightful new face as well, playing his “gift/curse” with a slightly cynical and protective edge, instead of the high pitched whine that is so prevalent on Heroes. Chi McBride as the private detective Emerson is a nice contrast to the sweetness and “unreality” going on everywhere else. Kristin Chenoweth, seen (by me) previously mostly on West Wing is likeable as Piehole waitress Olive, but hopefully her character gets fleshed out a bit more, currently of all the characters she has the least development happening. Delightful are Swoosie Kurtz as Chuck’s one-eyed ex-synchronized “mermaid” swimmer aunt and Ellen Greene looks FANTASTIC as Chuck’s other ex-synchronized “mermaid” swimmer aunt. Greene, most notorious (at least to my mind) as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors (1986) looks fantastic (it has been over 20 years – someone give me this woman’s secret!) and is a perfect cast as one of the quirky loveable aunts. Really the whole cast is just flawless.

I am anxious to tune in next week and see what the creators/writers have in store for us…they did so much in just this first episode that I hope they can keep up the pace. The plot is a bit gimmicky, so hopefully they can dodge those issues and continue producing what was a really great first show.

The Bad: Nothing yet.

The Ugly: Nothing yet, or at least not in a bad way.

Pushing Daises Grade: A

I tuned into the second episode of Life and it’s still good. I like it, I’m going to add it to my DVR list and hope it doesn’t get cancelled. Life is smarter and quirkier than all those Law & Order shows (that I always find myself watching for some reason) where you can see the plot twists coming from six miles away. I like it, I hope it is able to hang in there.

I believe full epsidoes of both Pushing Daises and Life are available online if you click on the links above.

Pushing Daises cast above.

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