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Apple iphone and the end of the world…

October 5, 2007 in mcsweeney's, writing | Permalink

I have been reading McSweeney’s Internet Tendency everyday for the past week or so (why wasn’t I doing this for my whole life? I have no idea, the only excuse is that I’m a complete idiot…the stuff over there is just hilariously brilliant…or brilliantly hilarious, whichever you prefer). McSweeney’s posts new stuff every day, so you, like me should go there every day, but I wanted to bring your attention to this gem by Matthew Duverne Hutchinson titled “A Few Years After The Complete Collapse Of The Global Economy, A Consumer Reporter Reviews The IPhone”. It’s wonderfully fun.

Unfortunately neither Firefox nor Safari are allowing me to link things for some reason, so you’ll have to follow the path below to get to it. Or of course you can click on McSweeney’s on my home page and go to the Internet Tendency. Enjoy!

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/10/5hutchinson.html

bionic woman…insert groan here

October 4, 2007 in craptastic, hollywood, pushing daisies, television reviews | 2 comments

So I watched a couple minutes of Bionic Woman last night with the idea that I would change the channel the first time it made me audibly groan. I actually don’t think I lasted a couple minutes. Maybe 90 seconds. Please don’t watch this show. It is just insulting to our collective intelligence and it encourages Hollywood to keep thinking of us as insipid idiots. TURN IT OFF…it is CRAPTASTIC…without the TASTIC part.

Here is something you should be watching though, Pushing Daisies. This looks to be a great show. It’s quirky and clever and has gorgeous production values…the world these characters live in his about 40% Tim Burton 30% Amelie and 30% real life and it works in beautiful harmony.

The story focuses on Ned, a piemaker and owner of The Piehole, who has a gift/curse to be able to touch someone and bring them back to life. However, if he ever touches them again they die instantly, never to be revived. There are also major consequences for bringing someone back, e.g. if he doesn’t touch them again and “re-kill” them within 60 seconds then someone in close proximity bites it.

This dynamic is set up in the first episode with Ned discovering his powers when his mother dies suddenly and when he touches her she is instantly brought back to life. Sixty seconds later, his neighbor Charlotte’s (Chuck) father drops dead. Then of course that evening when Ned’s mother tucks him and kisses him on the head she drops dead. So Ned and Chuck are separated, Ned shipped off to boarding school and Chuck raised by her quirky aunts. They share their first kiss at their mutual parents funerals, and never see eachother again, until now.

Now. A private eye discovers Ned’s “gift” and ropes him into a scheme in which they briefly re-animate corpses to find out who killed them and then collect the reward money and split it. This leads them to Ned’s childhood friend Chuck that has recently become deceased. Chuck does not know who killed her when she is re-animated, and then Ned of course cannot bear to “re-kill” her (unfortunately someone else has to die for this, but it’s a relatively “bad” guy which makes Ned feel better about things). Of course now, totally smitten with his childhood love (and she for him) they can never touch or she will instantly drop dead.

The Good: Despite all the “dead this and re-killing that” the show is not dark in the least, a credit to everyone on the show from the creators, set designers, writers, actors, and directors. The show is light and quirky and fun and likeable, largely due to the great cast a series of fairly new faces and great but almost forgotten faces. Anna Friel plays Chuck and has a giant credit list on IMDB, but I’ve never seen her in anything until now, and how sad that is for me because she is absolutely delightful. She brings a charm and innocence to the show that is completely infectious and never saccharine. Lee Pace plays Ned and he is a delightful new face as well, playing his “gift/curse” with a slightly cynical and protective edge, instead of the high pitched whine that is so prevalent on Heroes. Chi McBride as the private detective Emerson is a nice contrast to the sweetness and “unreality” going on everywhere else. Kristin Chenoweth, seen (by me) previously mostly on West Wing is likeable as Piehole waitress Olive, but hopefully her character gets fleshed out a bit more, currently of all the characters she has the least development happening. Delightful are Swoosie Kurtz as Chuck’s one-eyed ex-synchronized “mermaid” swimmer aunt and Ellen Greene looks FANTASTIC as Chuck’s other ex-synchronized “mermaid” swimmer aunt. Greene, most notorious (at least to my mind) as Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors (1986) looks fantastic (it has been over 20 years – someone give me this woman’s secret!) and is a perfect cast as one of the quirky loveable aunts. Really the whole cast is just flawless.

I am anxious to tune in next week and see what the creators/writers have in store for us…they did so much in just this first episode that I hope they can keep up the pace. The plot is a bit gimmicky, so hopefully they can dodge those issues and continue producing what was a really great first show.

The Bad: Nothing yet.

The Ugly: Nothing yet, or at least not in a bad way.

Pushing Daises Grade: A

I tuned into the second episode of Life and it’s still good. I like it, I’m going to add it to my DVR list and hope it doesn’t get cancelled. Life is smarter and quirkier than all those Law & Order shows (that I always find myself watching for some reason) where you can see the plot twists coming from six miles away. I like it, I hope it is able to hang in there.

I believe full epsidoes of both Pushing Daises and Life are available online if you click on the links above.

Pushing Daises cast above.

Damages is rocking the house…

October 3, 2007 in damages | Permalink

This show is so damn good. There have been small missteps in this series, but nothing deadly, and lately it has just been rocketing forward to the inevitable (yet still surprising) conclusion(s).

[Mild Spoilers]

Ellen has completely stepped up and watching her tell off Patty last night was AWESOME. She has really come into her own and I hope that (since I believe the show has been renewed) she will be around for next season, because she has really grown on me. A perfect example of a well developed character that is being carefully created and well performed sneaking up on you until you realize you are really pulling for her.

We’ve left the weak characters and actors (Katie and Greg) behind and are focusing on only the heavy hitters these days and it is working, the whole episode was full of awesome plot developments and strong performances, starting with Frobisher, who remains fascinating to watch, and I can somehow enjoy him, while having not one ounce of pity for him when he is served divorce papers (he was fucking his deposition coach on his lawyer’s desk last week, he deserves divorce papers). Ray (Frobisher’s lawyer) remains interesting and exceptionally performed, wearing his worries on his face beautifully. Tom looks like he is playing both sides (as always) which is better than I thought last week when I was assuming that he was trying to screw Ellen for sure. Patty remains the most fascinating character on the show, in part due to Close’s brilliant portrayal and I’m just dying to see how this is all going to shake out. A spot of blood on her shoe last night did not look like good news for her.

Can’t wait for this to all shake out, but I’ll be disappointed because it’s the best show on tv right now.

Heroes Episode 2 update…

October 3, 2007 in superheroes, television reviews | 2 comments

So it’s getting better. We got to see some cool stuff (mostly Peter being a badass) and some interesting plotlines are emerging.

[Mild Spoilers]

The Good: Seeing Peter doing some awesome superhero stuff in a “fighting scenario”. The fact that the writers/creators do seem to actually have a few interesting plot lines up their sleeves for Hiro’s yawn inducing Kensei trip to the past (self healing for the drunken gaijin? didn’t see that one coming). Nicki, Micah, & DL are still blissfully absent. I was frustrated to no end last year by “the Haitian” character (if only because he was called only “the Haitian”) but his return was surprisingly interesting and it was cool to see him reuinited with HG.

The Bad: The predictable and repetitive stuff going on with Hiro in the past…it was better than last episode but it is still really rough and slow. The super annoying and creepy “boy that will obviously be Claire’s love interest this year” peeping in windows and spying on people like a standard issue peeping tom. Claire’s whiney behavior and childish antics, she’s above this. Peter can kick the crap out of three guys, but he can’t take his precious little box of information from one guy? Gimme a break. I concede that he doesn’t have much control right now, but the writer’s can’t just decide to make him a badass one minute and a pussycat the next because it suits their needs.

The Ugly: We still have to endure those bad Irish accents (some better than others – Caitlin’s was pretty good). The twins are muy annoying. Why are all the women characters so whiny lately? The frustrating thing is that i like the twins power, or what we know of it, it’s an interesting idea that one twin can in effect “bring the other one down” from her killing sprees and that they have to stay together to prevent deaths, but so far it is not interesting to watch and the writers have given us no reason to like or relate to these characters. Also, twins, notoriously in comics and SF etc., have similar powers or their powers work in synch or augment eachother, so it’s not like this is ground breaking stuff…I’m going to need a little more here.

Overall I give this episode a C+/B- and I am hopeful that the grade will continue to get better (although we are obviously due an appearance by NMDL – Nicki, Micah, DL – and that will likely only hurt the show’s grade). But here’s to hoping that the superhero bubble doesn’t burst this year…if Heroes can stay smart and interesting…superheroes as a whole can hang on a bit longer to their current pop culture domination and maybe so can publisher/agent interest in my book (please please please…did that sound like begging? Cause it was).

ah Invisible Man Claude…where are you? Please come back and while you’re here kill some of the lame characters who eat up your screentime okay?

#3 – comic of the week

October 1, 2007 in comic of the week, comics | 1 comment

I know, I can’t believe it either. Comic of the Week #3…on time!

I should mention that Adam (my boyfriend) and I have placed a bet (I think for a measly $20 and of course bragging rights) that I can’t maintain 1 comic a week for a year. Perhaps that has helped me in sticking to goal, which is good. Just to be clear on the rules of said bet, my comic does not have to come out on a certain day, just once within every seven day period. Anyway, thanks for reading…sorry you have to click to read, but this format as mentioned before is not great for comics…

Capitalization

September 28, 2007 in writing | 5 comments

so a few friends have asked why i don’t use capitalization on this blog.

mostly it is an aesthetic choice…i just prefer the way lowercase letters look…especially “i”…why should it be capitalized? it doesn’t make sense…i guess I just don’t feel that important that I should be capitalized.

also, and this is a bit renegade of me, but who made up these capitalization rules in the first place? it seems a bit arbitrary to me. i’ve never been the greatest fan of “official grammar” and “perfect sentence structure” in writing (which i suppose is obvious if you’ve been reading this blog). i like to think that things can be beautiful and well written (and well spoken) without catering to the sometimes clausterphobic rules of “the man”

lastly, i like the more casual informal look that it gives to my (or anyone’s) writing…as if you are looking in on someone’s thoughts, or a private conversation, instead of something more formal and structured.

that said, again for largely personal reasons, i’ve decided to switch over and bow down to “the man”. As of this post…and this sentence…all posts on 1979 Semi-Finalist will be done with proper capitalization. As for proper grammar? I can’t promise anything there, but I’ll do my best.

James Jean – Process Recess 2 out now

September 27, 2007 in art, artists, books, comics, james jean | Permalink

one of my all-time favorite artists (if not my absolute favorite) is James Jean. i just received this week (finally) his book Process Recess 2. it is stunning. Jean does a lot of comic book cover work for fables and many other publications…

…look familiar? but he also does a lot of ad work for places from Target to Playboy to Men’s Health and it all has one thing in common…it’s all insanely beautiful. there is something somehow haunting and creepy yet beautifully rendered about everything Jean does. i cannot recommend his work or his book enough. go here to read more about Process Recess and to buy one now! below are some other favorite images of mine by Jean…

the bionic woman? oh, i don’t think so.

September 27, 2007 in hollywood, television reviews | 5 comments

i was excited when i heard that they were doing a re-make of The Bionic Woman…i mean you would have to actually TRY REALLY REALLY HARD to make that lame and stupid…it’s the Bionic Woman for cyring out loud. yeah. right.

these people apparently tried REALLY REALLY HARD.

i cannot believe how bad this show is. the writing is terrible and cliched and the acting is just the most wooden and flat out bad acting i have seen…well maybe not ever…but certainly in a long time. also, while i blame this mostly on the writing and the acting something has to be said for the fact that there is not one interesting character in the whole show (except the ex-bionic woman played by Katee Sackhoff) and the relationships and chemistry are respectively, totally unbelieveable and totally non-existant.

a reason that i thought it would be fun to see a retelling of the Bionic Woman is obviously because our effects technology is so much better these days, but these effects sucked. i mean they were just awful…the “super fast running” being the worst of it. i admit that i’m not a fan of CGI i think it often looks fake and out of place, but some films and television shows dealing with superpowers or “enhanced humans” have found ways to use it to their advantage (X-Men and even better – X2; Heroes mostly does an excellent job, etc.) but this was just bad decision after bad decision on the CGI.

back to the wooden acting…Michelle Ryan was absolutely the worst part of this show i’m sorry to say. the writing and story certainly wasn’t doing her any favors, but she lacked the charisma and acting chops to make it better than it was. there are many actors out there that manage to turn crap into watchable stuff because they are skilled, not so here, she was unbearable to watch, and surrounded by almost as unbearable performances. the relationship between she and her boyfriend was downright laughable.

i’m sad to say that this episode was credited to a woman writer. i suspect with all the drama and rumors related to this show she got a thousand notes and changes, so perhaps it’s not her fault, but i was originally happy to see a woman writing the show, as i thought that would help the handling of some of the larger feminist issues but sometimes i guess it just doesn’t matter.

there was this moment last night while watching Bionic Woman when i stopped making sarcastic comments and sighing loudly and thought “maybe i’m totally off base. maybe i’ve become a complete pretensious snob that can’t see the forest for the trees…maybe this is actually not bad and i just can’t tell.” then i watched a little bit of the show following it, Life, which was pretty damn good, strong acting, strong writing…and as i was watching it i realized, “no. i know exactly what i’m seeing and this show Life is a perfect example of how good television can be (in a pilot even) and The Bionic Woman is a perfect example of everything being done wrong”. it’s good to realize you’re not crazy. thank you Life for cementing that fact, and i’ll be tuning in to you Life next week – Wednesday at 10pm NBC – to see if they can keep it up. interesting stuff.

one last thing about my dissappointment in Bionic Woman. this is such a minefield for cool stuff that has deeper meanings to go on. the idea of two cyborg women, one that is making herself more machine by the day so she has to be less “woman” and one who wishes she was back to being more “woman”. the feminist issues here are interesting and the idea of the badass cyborg (that is more cyborg than our lead character) sometimes getting her ass handed to her by a cyborg that’s got more “soul” left is all interesting stuff. i can tell from this first epsiode though, they won’t begin to scratch the surface of this and if they do, they’ll screw it up. and with crappy shows like this out there, the superhero bubble will burst all the more quickly, and so interest in my “hard to market” novel will wither and die.

that’s right, in the end, it’s all about me. 🙁

charisma-less Bionic Woman Michelle Ryan, above.

cast of nbc’s Life, above.

roger ebert and i agree? shocking!

September 27, 2007 in rants | 2 comments

last christmas while home visiting my wonderful family (they sometimes read this blog – so be nice) i was subjected to this very issue that Ebert goes on about here. i can’t agree with him more. it is a sin against artists, directors, writers, actors, and the very medium to so corrupt it by viewing anything at the wrong ratio and thus changing the very way in which it was INTENDED to be viewed.

you are slapping brilliant artists in the face by ignorantly complaining that you “want to fill your screen” or that you “hate those black bars” (sorry mom and dad). the thing i really don’t get is why this doesn’t just LOOK wrong to people. i understand wishing that everything was shot at an aspect ratio that will maximize your expensive new screen, but wishing doesn’t make it so…and neither does stretching programs to inhuman and abnormal proportions.

if you genuinely don’t see the difference (or don’t think you do) i beg you to try a little test next time you’re watching something “stretched”. wait for a good scene where this abnormality will be most obvious…a scene of a character or two walking down a street together would be a great example. pause your dvr/tivo/dvd/vcr whatever (or if it’s a long enough scene just let it keep playing) and switch from the way you have been viewing it to the other options available…and see how suddenly people don’t look so chunky, stretched, and abnormal. it’s a world of difference. if you can’t see it, well i guess i just don’t know what to say, there’s no way i can help you.

sidenote: don’t try to cheat and use the “zoom” feature that many screens have available, where you fix the aspect ratio so that nothing is stretched, but then to get it to fill in your screen you zoom it so that in close ups heads are cut off or other important things. you will never know what you might be missing if you do not view things they way they were intended by creators to be seen…you could be missing everything.

tell me you love me…or just tell me something.

September 26, 2007 in big love, hbo, television reviews | Permalink

so i finally got around to watching my first episode of Tell Me You Love Me last night. it was okay. i liked it, but i wasn’t blown away – it certainly was no Big Love, but it was also miles better than Entourage, so take that as you will.

my biggest problem with Tell Me was not *gasp* the sex or *double gasp* the male nudity, but the therapy sessions.

last year at this time I doubt this would have occured to me, but having been in couples therapy this past year, i have a better perspective on it. it’s not that the counseling sessions seemed fake necessarily, it’s just that Tell Me has made me understand that i don’t (and likely never will) have the kind of money these “people” have, because couples counseling is extremely expensive. so if you’re going to go in there and lie…then you’re basically flushing lots and lots of money down the drain. i was an open book in couples counseling…how else was i going to justify $600/month that i don’t have? and that’s a reduced rate!

very frustrating to watch.

that said, i’ve got the rest of the episodes tivo’d and i’ll be giving it a shot. there were some things i really liked and that were worth coming back for. one thing i’m ashamed to admit i don’t want to come back for? the old people sex. i know i know, i’m a horrible person, but that was just really difficult to watch. i applaud the creators/writers/directors for trying to tell the story of couples at all different places in their lives, and i don’t necessarily want it to stop as i think it’s the right thing to do, just know that i will be fast forwarding through all those scenes.

these two people (foreground) didn’t say one true thing in their whole therapy session…which is like tearing up $200 and sprinkling it on your breakfast cereal and eating every last bitter bite.