entertainment

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Seriously people?  Seriously. 

Although, given the sexbot queries I’ve had, perhaps Kim Kardashian’s EXACT body dimensions are a good thing to have on hand.  Y’know, just at the ready, in case one should decide one weekend to build a sexbot after one finishes rebuilding the deck, or the kids swingsets, you never know…

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I have no idea how to review the book I just read, The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory.

I don’t really read historical fiction, I think the last historical fiction I read when I was about 15, and this book, though very engaging, is not really in the same league with the stuff I generally read these days, much of it award winning literary fiction and short fiction. Yet, I cannot deny that I was totally obsessed with this book while I read it, and the proof is in how quickly I devoured it. The book is about 660 pages, and I began reading it Tuesday night after work and was finished late Thursday night after work. Three days. 660 Pages. Clearly, I was smitten.

Let’s start by talking about why I even picked this up since it’s so outside my normal reading range. I am pretty fascinated by the whole Anne Boleyn thing, I think a lot of women are, it’s such an interesting time in the history of women, where they literally had no power and were traded as commodities by their fathers, brothers, uncles, and husbands on a daily basis without a thought as to their own desires. Yet a woman could also become a Queen, as Anne Boleyn did…which held great power (maybe, if you were brilliant like Elizabeth I and didn’t marry a guy who could/would take it all away). Anyway, it is a very interesting and horrible time for women and I’ve always been fascinated by it and have thought often of picking up a biography of Anne Boleyn or a good history of that time period. Instead I went for some historical fiction. At least I didn’t see the movie. I was actually afraid I was going to see the movie, and I was afraid it was going to be terrible and put me off of the whole idea entirely, so while at the bookstore I decided to pick up Gregory’s fictionalized interpretation of the Boleyns with the idea that I would also research getting a great biography as well. This is still my plan, I just didn’t think I’d finish Gregory’s book in three days. So, prologue aside, onto my attempt to rate this monster…

The Good: It was completely compelling. The high-stakes narrative drove the story forward so feverishly that I didn’t care that the beautiful literary writing I have come to expect in things I read was absent. I just needed to know what was going to happen to these characters and how it was going to unfold (even though I knew the true end for Anne, Mary Boleyn’s story is largely unknown or unwritten).

The story is told from the point of view of Mary Boleyn, which is quite a brilliant decision because it allowed Gregory to speak from a point of view largely ignored or unknown in the history of the Boleyns and the court of King Henry VIII. It also allowed me to hate Anne with a fiery freaking passion, which I did for about 450 pages. Like any good story though, Anne reaps what she sows, and Gregory successfully turns her around in the last 150 or so pages so that I could feel the requisite horror and sympathy for her ultimate fate.

I feared that the romance factor would be gag inducing and put me off the book immediately, but I was pleased to find there was very little, if any of this. In fact, because Mary and Anne are never really allowed to be in love (except Mary in the end) there was almost no romantic swooning at all, for which I was very very grateful. When Mary finally does swoon in the end, you don’t mind so much because she’s had such a miserable lot of luck most of the time, she’s earned a good swoon.

Gregory also did an excellent job of getting my feminist ideals all twisted up within this web. There is an excellent point in the story, when Anne is becoming successful in her bid for winning the King’s affections (pushing her sister quite roughly to the side without a thought by the way) and she makes an impassioned argument to Mary that basically the world will never be the same for women, because she (Anne) is proving that even women, who are perceived to have no power, can accomplish great things (becoming Queen out of sheer will) by being clever and intelligent and not giving up or letting others set her path.

It’s a good argument, and you almost feel with her for a moment, until you hear Mary’s perspective, which though milder, is equally as feminist and powerful in its own way. Mary sees Anne’s pushing aside of a legitimate Queen (Queen Katherine) who has literally done nothing wrong except for get older and not bear any male heirs, as setting the standard for wives to be removed and tossed aside as soon as a king, or man, tires of them.

And the wonderful thing is that they are both right – which is when feminist perspectives get so interesting. Anne is right to push her way forward and not be bound by the men in her life (father, uncle, brother, and even her King) and though it is ultimately her undoing her daughter eventually becomes Queen Elizabeth, a powerful, brilliant, and eternally clever woman, like her mother was, who is arguably one of the greatest Queens in history. But Mary is proven right as well, in that when the King tires of Anne she is quite quickly beheaded (he has already learned it is quite fine to get rid of a wife, even if she is a Queen) and he goes on to divorce (“annul”) two more wives and behead a third before he dies (not in this text). Setting the stage for men with wandering eyes and lustful hearts everywhere to get bored and move on at the slightest whim. And that has worked out SO well for women.

The Bad: I did hate Anne with a venomous passion. Perhaps that was what Gregory intended, or perhaps she didn’t care and just wanted to present the characters as accurately as she could, but it was a flaw in the book I thought. Despite my drive forward with the book I sometimes wanted to put it down simply because I hated Anne so much. I also think this could have been a real problem if I had not pushed through the book so quickly. If I had been reading more slowly and had left off on a bit about Anne, I might have been more hesitant to pick it back up immediately.

Though Gregory’s book is historical fiction and makes no claim to historical accuracy, it’s not that far off. A lot of what is in the book as fact (executions, religious and political moves, movements of the royal family, affairs, children, miscarriages, mistresses, marriages, coronations) is largely accurate. However. while this book is a mere one or two (maybe three?) steps away from being accurate (and makes clear that it is), it has spawned a Hollywood film that is about 100 steps away from this partial accuracy, and from what I can tell, about 100 steps away from the fictionalized though historically based account that Gregory told. While this is premature since I have not yet seen the movie, I can pretty well tell from the trailers, previews, synopsis, and rants from other fans of Gregory that the movie takes incredible liberties with Gregory’s material and the actual history. I’m sure I’ll see the film eventually (though I don’t want to pay so it may be a long time) and I’ll post an update here if I’m not right in my assumptions.

I implore you Hollywood…why? Why spend the money to buy Gregory’s or anyone’s material if you just want to tell your own horrible inaccurate piece of crap story anyway? I’ll never understand you Hollywood…but you sure are pretty and shiny. Good for you. Impressive.

The Ugly: Nothing really. It’s been a very long time since I read something with a historical basis, and a while since I read something with such a strong and direct narrative. I find no major faults with this book, and for what it is, it is extremely effective. I missed my beautiful literary language though. I do wonder if I will feel the same way about this book after I read a couple biographies – my appetite has totally been whet for it – so I’m going to pick some up immediately (anyone have any great recommendations?)

The Rating: Ugh. Here we go. I’m going to dock it one star for just not being in the “upper echelon” of material that I read (god, how snobby did that sound?) and then a half star because it’s not a perfect book. So 3.5 stars.

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I finished a couple weeks ago, Interpreter Of Maladies by Jhump Lahiri, the author of The Namesake (now also a motion picture – which looks quite good).

This is an unbelievably beautiful collection of short fiction. I had not read anything of Lahiri’s, except for her piece in a December 2007 issue of The New Yorker, Year’s End, which was equally as stunning.

Interpreter of Maladies seduced me immediately as Lahiri has an eloquent and sparse way with perfect words. Her stories are haunting and complex. I was left with sorrow in almost all of them, yet the book was strangely uplifting. Lahiri does something interesting in Interpreter in that she is not beholden to just one voice, which is somewhat strange for collections like this, usually the author seems to be looking for things to hold the collection together, and point of view is often an easy way to do that, Lahiri switches point of view between stories masterfully, moving from first to third person with ease, and yet her stories link together beautifully, because they are all filled with the same kind of happy melancholy, a private and perfect loneliness, a desperate sadness that still holds mysterious pockets of hope. They also all involve Indian characters in some way or another, which kept things together nicely.

As for best stories, they were all so evenly perfect that it is difficult for me to pick favorites. Because I tend to relate heavily to romantic relationship stories I would have to say that A Temporary Matter, Sexy, This Blessed House, and Interpreter of Maladies were some of my favorites. But that is not to say that When Mr. Pirzada Came To Dine, A Real Durwan, Mrs. Sen’s, The Treatment of Bibi Haldar, and The Third And Final Continent were any less powerful or stunning.

It is really quite an amazing feat in any collection, to make each story not only lovely and strong, but also so haunting. I give Interpreter of Maladies 4.5 stars and cannot wait to read more of Jhumpa Lahiri’s work.

Here it is, in all its gorgeous glory, the first Rabid Lamb guest strip. Adam tends to be more about beautiful cartooning and artistry and details while I am more about the writing or the “joke”. Sadly, even if I had the skill he does, there is just no way I could measure up to the standard he has set with this strip in a daily comic, there just aren’t enough hours to set aside for it. He has promised to do another one soon though…so feel free to hassle him until he gets it done. Additionally, Adam has a great blog of his own, that is mostly about film, although a few other things slip in there on occasion, which I urge everyone to check out: www.dudehesthestallion.wordpress.com.

Also, coming on Monday, Adam has drawn a great mascot for Rabid Lamb Comics, so I’ll be assembling the new logo over the weekend…it should premiere with Monday’s strip. There are also some book reviews coming up that will post today and over the weekend I think…

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Thank you Adam – I LOVE it.

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What are people thinking?! Crazy stuff. 

Project Runway last night…I’m not surprised…were you?

I had this whole rant I wanted to do about The Millionaire Matchmaker (yes, I’ve seen enough episdoes that I have to admit I “watch” the show – but since I watch it largely for comedic value does that make it slightly less disturbing? I think so) anyway, on the finale of Matchmaker this past week, a millionaire (and a good catch of one too – attractive, 6’4, well spoken, educated, not creepy, and well…a MILLIONAIRE) proposed to his date on their first date.  And crazier news, the bitch said yes!  WHAT?!?!?!?!  What world am I living in?

They had known each other for less than 24 hours and spent less than six hours together.  INSANE.  But it made me think a little bit about the rush that everyone seems to be in to get married, well okay, it didn’t make me want to think about it, it made me want to rant about it angrily on my blog.  So here we are. 

What is the freaking rush people?  How can you possibly know someone can be a good partner for you in six months…even a year is pushing it if you ask me.  Nine times out of ten I’d say proposing before you’ve known each other for a year is insane (there are exceptions – Jessica if you’re reading I probably mean you ;).  know there is, especially on a woman’s side of things, a rush if you’re in your thirties and want to have children, but you know what – rushing into the wrong relationship, or even one that seems good but hasn’t had the chance to develop yet because you haven’t even been with that person for an entire year (!) is crazy…sure you might get your kid(s) by the time you’re 36 or 38 or 40 or whatever your magic number for that is, but maybe you’ll be in a crappy marriage too…or divorced…or I don’t know, what’s worse than a crappy marriage? 

It’s just silly. 

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The really funny thing is that I have never written anything about Burning Man – but I did once use the phrase “hunka hunka burning man rage” in an angry misogyny related post…I guess I’ll have to be more careful with my phrasing…

  

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This is a great little new show.  You may have seen an ad for it in an actual theater – which is where Adam and I first heard about it, and marks maybe the first time ever that I wasn’t pissed to be watching an ad in a theater.  It is a good show, but there are some problems, it can get a little repetitive and neither Adam or I like the opening.  

Eugene Cussons, the “host” I guess is what you’d call him, is charming, without being overly nice and sweet and “perform-y” for the camera, and sometimes you can see that other than saving chimps for a living he might kind of be a dick…which oddly, makes me like him more, if only because he seems more real.  He’s got a great foreign accent (South African? I’m not sure) but that also makes me like him more…I’m a sucker for a British-like accents.  The real stars of course are the chimps which are insanely cute and human-like, especially the young ones, which tend to be less scarred and traumatized and more interested in just hanging out with Eugene and being adorable and climbing trees. 

The show consists of three primary elements – Eugene finding and rescuing chimps that are being mistreated, or that have been stolen, or are scheduled for termination (etc.); dealing with the frustrating details of the respective governments and travel and the myriad of other obstacles that get put in his way; and Chimp Eden itself, which is primarily a beautiful fenced in reserve where he can rehabilitate the chimps.  My favorite bits are of course at Chimp Eden, if only because it seems less sad and more sweet and optimistic than seeing how badly many of these animals are treated, however the show can turn on a dime.  Last week as Jao, a big “grandfather chimp” in “The Kindergarden” (he’s in with the young chimps because he is too aggressive to be in with the adults) all of a sudden tried to yank off Eugene’s boot – pulling him out of a tree – and almost taking his foot off.  They constantly remind you on the show that the chimps are ten times stronger than a human, but man is it easy to forget.  Eugene kept his foot (and his boot) in the end, but it was really intense.   

Escape To Chimp Eden is on Friday’s at 9pm on Animal Planet, although you can catch repeats all the time as well. 

You can learn more about the show here and can also check out a clip on youtube here, it’s not the greatest clip, not the one I would choose, but the best one I could find today. 

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This movie had plotholes big enough to drive mack trucks through them, but it was really the lights issue that bothered me most.  They’re hiding out in an attic for a long time (like weeks – though we get no sense that it has been that long) and the entire freaking time they have the lights on…if you are hiding from vampires – vampires that have been portrayed as the ultimate hunters and badasses no less – would you really keep the attic lights on for two plus weeks, and keep peeking out of a pulled back piece of kraft paper taped over a window?  No, you would not.  Also, these vampires are so smart…why did they not cut off the back-up/generator power to the town after the cut the regular power.  And does back-up/generator power really power an entire town for 30 days?  It was very frustating for me. 

Even though the movie was chock full of holes in logic, it was quite pretty, from Josh Hartnett right on down to the images of bloody massacre on snow (I know that doesn’t really sound beautiful – but from an artistic perspective it was kind of stunning).  Overall it was a very pretty movie, and since I’m a scaredy cat there were times that I was into it and scared, but it was pretty disappointing – mostly because it could have been SO awesome – and it just fell really really short.  It’s probably 2 1/2 stars for me, which means I have to pick between 2 stars and 3 stars on netflix.  Ah, the half star conundrum continues…

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Does this happen to anyone else?  This weekend was a perfect example.  I had cleared a lot of time for writing (and drawing) but I wanted to focus mostly on writing and specifically on some short stories that are on the brink of being ready for submission, yet I really only managed to write for a couple hours on Sunday night.  Why oh why does this happen?  It is SO frustrating.  I literally fantisize about how awesome it is going to be to be home and writing when I am at work or doing anything else, but when the time comes things always get in my way, and sometimes I even seem to put things there.  Very frustrating.

Panel #4’s text is a shout out to Adam. I think we all hate it when cop shows have some crappy grainy footage which they are magically able to “enhance” to see someone’s face, or on this specific show I was watching, it was a cop’s badge number, but Adam hates it more than anyone.  A show I was watching recently got a cop’s badge number off some grainy two seconds of footage.  Literally the line as the actor left the “lab tech techy” was “Increase the resolution, do whatever you have to do, but get me that badge number!”  Seriously?  When will this stop?  Are the writers the ones that are so stupid?  Producers?  How does this happen when most of the semi-tech savy world knows shit like this is impossible?

Anyone watch the Oscars?  My man Jon Stewart was great as always, and some well deserved wins with some nice surprises mixed in there.  Here’s a list of the nominees and winners in case you missed out and are curious.

NBC has put a well deserved bullet in Bionic Woman…whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Ausiello-Scoop-Nbc/800033772

To answer the question at the end of this short article – “what felled Bionic Woman in the end?” It was absolutely without a doubt the horrible wooden performance of lead actress Michelle Ryan, unless it was her performance combined with the off the charts bad writing…

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