Ack. I think we, and by we I mean the insanely talented but tortured writers out there (joke), all feel this way about the query letter process. I don’t know about many other actual personal experiences outside of my own (except what I read about on my best friend ‘the interwebs’) but for me I can’t decide if I’ve been blessed or cursed.
I had the advantage/disadvantage of having my very first agent query letter (to the agent I researched and really really thought I wanted) come back within a week with an email request for a partial (the first 50 pages). JOY! This partial was rejected by email about 2 months later with some helpful (and some less than helpful) notes. Less than joy.
I have sent two queries since – one has been out there for almost three months with no response and the other for three weeks with no response. I completely recognize that this is not exactly a “wide net” to cast. I also recognize that I already have great statistics considering what I’ve actually put out there and the response I’ve gotten. It it still a completely frustrating and self destructive process. Also, I felt good initially that though my first agent didn’t want me or my book he apparently thought I had a good query letter. Good right? A good query letter is almost as good as a good novel…yet no response to my new queries, which though tailored to the specific agents, were largely the same as the first. *SIGH* Apparently my query letter was not made of magic.
I often wish I could be one of those writers that is totally convinced they are brilliant – and that their novel is the best novel ever written. Although agents, and agent assistants, and really everyone, hates those kind of people and nine times out of ten (okay ten times out of ten) they’re delusional anyway, it still must be nice to just feel so confident in your work. I have doubts about my work every moment…actually that’s a lie, I vacillate wildly (especially when I’m actually writing) between “I AM A GOLDEN GOD! I AM A GENIUS!” to ten minutes later “I AM THE WORST OF HACKS. I AM THE HACKIEST HACKY HACK HACK THAT EVER DARED SIT AT A COMPUTER”. These two thoughts can be about the exact same sentence, plot, arc, character, or even title, merely ten minutes apart.
I think I’m also pretty realistic about the state of ‘the process’ and the state of publishing in general. The reality is that you CAN actually have written a great book and that STILL does not mean you are ever getting published…so what hope is there for those of us that maybe have a great book idea that is maybe well written or is maybe timely…it’s pretty debilitating.
I am making a concerted effort this weekend though, no excuses and “sad pile of low self-esteem and mania” be damned, to cast a wide net of query letters. Look out world…a mediocre bi-polar mess is comin’ out…